Rush Limbaugh

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Rush Limbaugh.
Rush Limbaugh.

Rush "I'm a big fat ass bastardittohead" Limbaugh was born in 1951 in a white cream sauce. The identity of his parents is unknown since he was found by a brother and sister from a trailer park floating down the Missouri river in a buoyant wicker basket filled with fried chicken. After they found the baby Rusty ( trombone ) they decided to marry ( the honorable thing to do when a man and woman acquire a baby – by whatever means ).

Breakfast: Early life[edit]

When Limbaugh reached his teens he took over a post on a local radio station that had to be filled after the death of Pastor Richard Hedd. Limbaugh's first show was about the section of the Bible that forbids inbreeding. He threw a tirade and ended by taking a pair of tweezers and masturbating his little undersized penis to a picture of Ronald Reagan ( who was still an actor at the time, but was already known as a conservative ), he did so to prove a point, that a conservative masturbating to a man's picture is not gay, its only gay when a liberal does it.

In 1970,at the height of the Vietnam War Rush proudly served his country, by cleaning floors and toilets at the Carl's Jr. in Paducah, Kentucky. for $3 an hour. He fondly remembers those days and boasts about how other people his age at that time were PAYING money to go to college, while he EARNED money and didnt even have to attend college.

Lunch: Angelic nature[edit]

Limbaugh is noted for his gracious courtesy and tolerance to all white rednecks. He won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2000 for getting Bill Clinton out of office. He also received international acclaim in 1993 for calling Clinton's then 13 year old daughter a "dog". Calling a 13 year girl whom he'd never met a "dog" is a classic example of Rush's trademark charm.

Roast beef on rye with brown mustard: support of the American Troops[edit]

In January 2005, Limbaugh sent nearly 3000 jockstraps for the boys and 2500 bras for the girls in Iraq. If that isn't support, I don't know what is! In gratitude, the troops gave Limbaugh a lifetime subscription to Weight Watchers. It is not known whether he has started using it or not.

Cole slaw and pickles: support of Freedom[edit]

Limbaugh supports freedom when it benefits himself. He came up with this idea five minutes after Howard Stern] declared he supported censorship when it benefited himself.

Dinner: Pharmaceuticals[edit]

Rush eats a whale

Limbaugh has on many occasions sampled young Brazilian boys. He has also tried medicine including DEMT, GB127, Viagra, and Friends of Bill Clinton ( FOB ).

Handing Michael J. Fox his ass in 2006[edit]

In October of 2006 Limbaugh courageously took a stance at Parkinson's victim Michael J. Fox. Fox, at the time, was deviously raising money for stem cell research and Parkinson's disease, and during a campaign commercial for stem cells, was inconsiderate enough to not control his disease, and instead continued shaking as he normally does. God's one true son Limbaugh proudly put Fox in his place by mocking his violent seizures, making jokes about his condition and broadcating that on his web site.

It was Rush's proudest moment in life.

In contrast the cowardly Fox did not have the guts to retaliate by reminding America that Rush was dangerously obese, had no college education, was deaf and had a broken penis.

Midnight snack: see also[edit]

  • Howard Stern – without who-who-whom Rush Limbaugh would never exist
  • Sean Hannity – world's biggest Rush Limbaugh brown-noser

2 am snack: External links[edit]