Samurai

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Samurai.

The Way of the Samurai[edit]

A samurai secret, ultimate weapon. these swords can be shot at a long distance, fast enough to penetrate the sound barrier and go faster than the speed of light.

The samurai place a strong emphasis on honour, which is determined by how many battles a samurai can win, how good he is at chess and swordplay, how skilled he is in 1337, and how many White Castle hamburgers he can eat in one sitting.

A samurai is born with an honour score of fifty plus his wisdom modifier; however, he often feels he has less honour than he should, so he kills himself as an infant. If a samurai kills more than his parents did, his honour goes down by three for not respecting his parents. If he kills the same, his honour goes down by five for being repetative. If he kills less, his honour goes down by one trillion for being a failure.

Samurai have a lot of rules about killing, and they are all very unpermitting.

Sometimes if you're a samurai, and you want to kill someone, you can't because it's dishonorable. Other times honor compels you to kill someone even when you don't want to ( though it's extremely rare for a samurai to pass up an opportunity to kill someone ). On the other hand, a ninja can just kill people whenever he feels like it, which is just, like, nine hundred times cooler.

Among the greatest of all samurai, eight remain supreme; Hello Kitty, Miyamoto Musashi, Toshiro Mifune, Kojiro Sasaki, Sauron the Lord of the Dance, Leeroy Jenkins, Your Mum, and perhaps the greatest of all, Jesus.

Samurai use many weapons, all forged in the ancient techniques allowed by bullshitdo, the most common blades are created from hardened jelly rolls infused with the awesome power of buttered toast. This does not apply to the Yari, a razor-spiked banana stapled to a single strand of dental floss.

However, among all weapons allowed in the code of Bullshitdo, none are more awesome than the Daikatana, a game so crappy it defies the laws of reality. Forged by the Dark God John Romero, in the fires of mount flop, this weapon consumes the souls of all those dumb enough to pay money for it. This weapon was used by Kojiro in his fight against Toshiro Mifune, however, the valiant Mifune and his elite force composed of Jesus, Hello Kitty, and Your Mum, defeated the souless Kojiro. The fallen Kojiro retreated to his abandoned fortress of Ion Storm.

List of Known Samurai[edit]