Science

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Pythagoras doesn't want you to know the TRUTH, man.

Science ( or NAMBLA ), invented by Bill Nye, refers to the practice of meticulously removing pieces of information from the sum of human knowledge. The ultimate goal of this practice is to make the sum of human knowledge equal zero, although it is hypothesized that towards the end, the knowledge of how to remove knowledge will be removed, and thus human knowledge will never equal zero.

The methodology and reasoning behind science has changed considerably since ancient times, especially with the invention of the Scientific Way of Doing Things ( note that this procedure was renamed after the second half of its previous title was removed from the dictionary ).

What we know about science has recently been written on the back of a postage stamp at Albert College Cambridge. The project, part of ten-year programme of generic definition and bum raping KIeran Houston of Ottawa and used a maser focused on the sum of human knowledge to generate results. As reported in the UK Science Journal Nu Scientist, the researchers were reported to be ‘disappointed’ and ‘keen to forget the whole thing’.

How science was Discoverd[edit]

science was discoverd by a man named pr.Hughbert Farnsworth who is a inventor that is so good at inventing that he was able to give himself majical fary powers. These powers are oftne used to build Dooms day devices and can make things go BOOM! and then they were destoyed by some guy how shale not be named aka Peter Griffen.

History[edit]

In a certain sense, science has always existed. However, in a correct sense, science was actually invented in 1200 BC by a Greek. His name is unknown, since the first scientific experiment involved removing knowledge of his own name from the minds of everyone.

Science in those days was closely related to philosophy and the arts; mostly this relation was sort of like a jealous older brother who beats his siblings up. This was, however, the desired effect; one of the reasons science was conceived of was to piss off "those damned snooty artists" ( Heron, Why All You Fresco Painters Can Suck my Cock, page 10 ). Protoscientists from this period were just as often soothsayers as they were reputable experts. Nevertheless, many stunning breakthroughs were made during this period, most of which had practical unapplications, such as the de-invention of fire.

One of the early successes in science was Euclid's What Elements?, which organized and then destroyed all knowledge of standard geometry in one tome. The only residual knowledge we have of geometry is Euclid's Theorem of Euclid, which states: If A=B and B is the circumference of Euclid, then Euclid is an awesome dude. QED.

Science, however, faced dark times during the Middle Ages, when religious oppression by the Catholic Church started a new wave of discovery. Among the ideas perpetuated during this bleak period:

  • The Earth is semi-spherical in shape, and orbits the sun - ( Actually, Adele ~ Tamia )
  • Everything is composed of tiny particles called atoms
  • Maybe this democracy thing might be fun to try, yo

However, the Church experienced a great drop in influence during a period in the 17th century known as "That Time When We Lost a lot of Our Words for Things," a period of intense scientific growth. While science healed quickly and easily reconcealed most facts perpetuated by the Church, scars still remain to this day which science is trying desperately to forget.

The Scientific Way of Doing Things[edit]

Developed at the precise moment everyone thought science was just a passing fad, the Scientific Way of Doing Things formalized the approach scientists would take to remove knowledge from human minds, allowing the field to flourish and fully separate itself from its mystic beginnings.

The Scientific Way of Doing Things is strictly adhered to by all respectable scientists and involves 6 steps:

  1. Find a piece of information you dislike. In our example, we will use the statement "1+1=2"
  2. Form a statement which will take its place ( "1+1=Dolemite" )
  3. Email this statement to everyone you know. Include the subject line "FWD: dide u knoe;;;"
  4. Publish an article in a pee-reviewed journal.
  5. Brush your teeth. A fresh smile adds a layer of believability.
  6. Profit.

The development of this procedure has led to a new era of scientific undiscovery, where undiscoveries can be compounded and tweaked by other scientists easily. This is done by alterations of the forwarded email's text. Our original example of 1+1=Dolemite would later become Einstein's now-famous "Special Theory of Cranberries," As demonstrated below ( each line break in the main message represents a new undiscovery added by a different scientist ):

Note: forwarded message is attatched.

Subject: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: RE: RE: FWD: FWD: RE: FWD: RE: RE: FWD: FWD: FWD: dide u knoe...

Message:
YEAH SO HERE WE GO

did u knoe that 1+1=Dolemite? It's true, the things u just dont knoe man...
DID you know? Dolemite was actually a martian. And martians are made out of chocolate!
The chocolate conspiracy grows unabated
Chocolate is the leading cause of death in pandas, causing 1,200,000 such death per year
Pandas+Chocolate=Dolemite
1=Chocolate^Panda
1-1=Chocolate-Panda
Pandas-Chocolate/Dolemite=0
Dolemite clearly cannot handle the chocolatey panda wrath when Pandas survive the delicious attacks
He can if you add cranberries to the right side of the equation
Pandas-Chocolate+cranberries/Dolemite=light
You are the light!
I am a panda
Panda-Chocolate+cranberries/Dolemite=light=pandas
Cranberries=1
light=.5
Dolemite why you be hatin'?

The Special Theory of Cranberries, then, can be summed up as: If light=.5, why Dolemite be hatin'?"

Things We Can Thank Science For[edit]

Gifts of science.JPG


Areas of Science[edit]

  • Physics
  • Astronomy
  • Biology
  • Chemistry
  • Geology
  • WoW
  • Sandwichology

Specialized areas[edit]

  • Bunsen Burnerism

Not To Be Confused With[edit]

  • Fact
  • Scientists
  • Scientology
  • Walgreens Drug Store
  • Crackpot religious theories
  • Science FACT
  • Science Olympiad
  • Popular science
  • Chickenbox