Shark

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Shark.


Sharks are the largest and most intelligent of the sea-faring mammals. They are the product of cross-breeding between dolphins and land-mammals. Notable species include the 'bull shark', the more exotic 'tiger shark', and the 'grey nurse', subject of numerous erotic novels popular in land-based retirement communities. The 'Great White Shark', as the name suggests, is widely regarded as both intellectually and physically superior to all other breeds. Inland species include the 'pool-shark' the 'loan shark' and the 'card shark'.

Daaa Dumm

Holy Cow!!! A frickin' laser-shark feeding frenzy!

Daaa Dumm

Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum Dum Dum

Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum Dum Dum

Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum Dum Dum Da Dum Dum Dum

Doo Doo DOOOOO!! Doo DOOO Doo Doo Doo Dee Doo Doo

Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum Da Dum....

Sharks want to eat you. Sharks want to kill you and tear you into tiny tiny tiny little pieces and devour you the same way they have for millions of years in a supreme dictator style. But its not because they hate you, it's because they can. And because its their job you jackass, what you want, a medal?

Origins of the shark[edit]

We don't know. Maybe God put them on the earth to see if a less ugly species could ever evolve to the point it could survive and escape. These things are mean, we dont like thinking about where they came from man! What's wrong with you? do you want a cookie?


Candygram! tunashark.jpg

Sobering Thought[edit]

  • In 2004, Sharks killed 11.9999999 Humans ( Source: [1] )
  • In 2004, Humans killed more than 12 Sharks ( Source: [2] )
  • In 2005, The Great Shark wars destroyed every last cute and cuddly dolphin.
  • In 2002, Sharks painted the toenails of more than 450.2 blonde beach babes. ( The .2 is to include Paris Hilton )
  • Umm...
  • Sharks can kick your ass from here to right over there.
  • Puts it in perspective, doesn't it?
  • Sharks are the only thing that can damage Samuel L. Jackson.
  • Incidentally, the theme music sharks hear when a human approaches is also the music in the paris hilton sex tape, but you wouldn't know because its on my hard drive not yours. WHOS GOT THE 3 and a quarter inch floppy now?

Species[edit]

Land Shark[edit]

The Landshark, closing in for another kill on the set of Saturday Night Live

The land shark is the cleverest of all sharks. Unlike the great white, which tends to inhabit the waters of harbors and recreational beach areas, the land shark may strike at any place, any time. It is capable of disguising its voice, and generally preys on young, single women. Experts at the University of Miami's Oceanographic Institute suggest that the best way to scare off the shark in the event of an attack is to hit or punch the predator in the nose.

Now for the weather..

Flying shark[edit]

The scene of a recent flying shark attack.

The flying shark is a relative of the land shark. Most, but not all, have frickin' laser beams on their heads which they use to zap their prey, along with any innocent passers-by. The flying shark was the symbol for the Whig party, however the laser on his head was replaced with one of those old white wigs.

The Lawyer[edit]

See Tom Cruise.

Did You Know?[edit]

  • The name 'shark' is a misnomer. Sharks are very worried about looking cool at all times, and they constantly say to each other "Sharp!" as a greeting and indication of how they look. A Lack of lips and the resulting thpeech impediment has resulted in the garbled "Shark!". Hence, the cause of 90% of all shark attacks is resentment of having their speech issues mocked.
  • Over $666 million dollars in loans were made by sharks in New York. It was a choice between them or bankers.
  • When not hard at work, sharks can usually be found crowded around pool tables in local bars.
  • Sharks do not eat lawyers. Professional courtesy.
  • Shark vagina is a delicacy in Mombasa
  • A new form of fuel is being invented right now that is powered by sharks.
  • The shark, while atop an elephant, is considered the Deadliest animal ever.
  • Using sharks as portable bowling alleys is very popular in the eastern parts of the west coast of Hungary.
  • Sharks are currently waging a 100 year war on dolphins
  • Sharks are sharky ( as in sharklike )
  • GameSharks aren't real sharks, though some of their behaviour is similar.
  • Scientists have sucessfully cloned a shark with the ability to read, write and shoot laser beams out of it's head.
  • Sharks have their own coat of arms depicting the current 100 year war on dolphins, pool tables and lots and lots of chum.
  • Jack Thompson is a shark.
  • It's a proven fact all sharks are bicurious

Diet[edit]

Pretty much just about freakin anything. Sharks have been found with some weird stuff inside them. Ranging from vehicle license plates to tires to that cool surfer guy you used to see hangin' around down by the dock where they have the slushy machine ( as well as the slushy machine itself ). They're pretty much nasty little, or big, killing, eating machines. Thats right, they kill and eat. What are you, an English major?

If it's edible it eats it! Duh!

Also they eat they're own legs if they can't find food.

Famous sharks[edit]

  • JAWS
  • Jews
  • Son of Jaws
  • Cyber Jaws
  • Jaws of death
  • Jaws's good twin brother
  • Jabberjaw
  • Sega Master System II Jaws
  • Lobster Jaws
  • Misterjaw
  • Ralph
  • Conan O'Brien