Silicon

     Whoops! Maybe you were looking for The Element of Freedom?

“And that place between the two hills is Silicon Valley”

~ Carol Doda

“No silicon heaven? Then where do all the calculators go?”

~ Oscar Wilde

Note the silicon in the breastal area.

Silicon is an element naturally occurring in the breasts of porno stars. It has many useful applications in society, some not related to pornography.

• Atomic Number: 976-SILICON
• Atomic Wait: 45 minutes.
• Atomic Mass: Atomic Baptist Church
• Bowling Point: 2464 OK
• Frizzing Point: 507 FU

Discovery and Applications

Silicon (from latin "silica iconia" = silly icon) was discovered by Hugh Hefner after his invention of the porno star and his third martini. It was probably a result of smackin' the ass too hard.

Silicon makes a damn good lubricant.damn straight!

It's also used in the manufacture of microchips. Increasing amounts of silicon have been used in chip manufacture since 1975 and an increasing number of microchips have been used in computers since 1976 which lead to an increasing amount of pornography on computers world wide. Packing computers with harder, deeper, hotter silicon action may lead to a kitten shortage, if you know what we mean, wink wink, nudge nudge --> Kitten Huffing ;). This silicon however can only be extracted using wizardry. No wonder those guys are so rich and have so many women.

It was recently discovered that all Bionicle toys consist of silicon, however this is a rogue variant that has mind-control properties and will dissolve your central nervous system if used in any of the regular ways.

Environmental Sideffects

Used silicon is hard to dispose of since most people think it's icky. Most of the world's castoff silicon and silicon byproducts are dumped into Silicon Valley, who's only native inhabitants are gullible capital investors and people who use too many acronyms so nobody feels bad about dumping crap there.

Alternate Names

Silicon is called silicone by pompous surgeons trying to look like they know what they're doing. Don't trust doctors like that. Accept only 100% silicon breasts.

Be warned: if overexposed to oxygen, 100% silicon breasts will become bags of sand and only appeal to Steve Carell.