Speed-typing is a very dangerous and competitive sport. Although it has been outlawed in many countries, it can still be found in the underground of underdeveloped nations, such as; Gaia, Sims, Azeroth, Neopets, RuneScape, Final Fantasy XI, United Kingdom of America, and the Kingdom of Loathing.
The game is played by typing. Sure, this may sound fun, or even important for living in today's modern world. That's what they all say. And then "WHAM!"
Speed typing is very addictive. It contains exactly 7,597,857,327,657,947,487 more poisons than Kool-Aid. That's a pretty scary number, huh? Notice how every 3rd digit is 7? That's how you know that number is important.
How to know if your child is speed-typing
Early detection may be the key to curing a speed typist. Therefore, if you even suspect your child is speed typing, you should investigate immediately. First, break into your child's bedroom. If you find them at the computer with their head exploded, you may want to consider talking to them about their problem. But don't automatically assume their head exploded because they were speed typing! Oh, no! Kid's heads explode for many reasons. Sometimes they explode just for attention, or maybe they put too much cracked corn on their kittens before huffing. Other times, a child's head will explode from spending too much time on parody-encyclopedia websites, like uncyclopedia. In any case, if your child's head explodes, they probably have many problems. You're probably just a crappy parent.
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THEM: broccoli flavored rum, rum flavored broccoli, drunken puppies, your neighbor's laundry, and ugly coffeemugs from your attic.
This can speed up the exploding process, as speed typers do not have a ususal IQ to figure if these food items are enemy battleships or your ex-girlfriend. If fed, the usual solution is to pull teeth with a sock. Please, for the sake of the narwhals, SAVE YOUR FUCKING SOCKS. Fruit hats work equally well. Please save ur socks!
Wannabe Speed Typers
A wannabe Speed typer is one taht has a large ammount of speeling mitakes in thier massages because tehy are mahisng teh keyboard and hopinf for teh best. Typical wannabe speed typers include:
- Mister Kool-Aid
- The Splapping Turtle
- Your DOG (yes, he can type)
- Your Mum
- Wikipedian Editors
- Bill Gates
Sometimes a Wannabe will experience a short burst of actual speed typing when they start huffing Orange Kittens Warning!!!!one!!!1!!!-this kills most Wannabes