Star Trek

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Star Trek.

Alicia Keys on Holodeck one - make it so

~ Captain Picard
Star trek covered such themes as space congestion

Who do you think is the better captain, Kirk or Kirk?

~ William Shatner on Patrick Stewart

"A Long Long time ago in a galaxy far far away" they said, and so started the Sci-fi phenomenon of Star Trek.


Origin[edit]

Back in the late sixties most television series were set on Earth. "Oh there was definitely an Earth bias", Gene Roddenbury, the creator, commented drunk on Klingon mind lager, "I think it's because most of us live there. But it's ridiculous; there's billions of planets out there and only one of them is Earth. Unless of course you count alternate universes, but I don't...I lose count."

Roddenbury also considered that as well as an Earth bias there was also a bias towards setting shows in the present day. "The present day is only one day out of about 3000 billion days available to set a television show in." Roddenbury continued naked as the day he was born, "I wanted to set my television show in one of those other 3000 billion days."

Reportedly, Roddenbury asked his mother if he was allowed to create a television series not set on earth and not in the present day. Her answer was apparently yes, as long as it wasn't set next Wednesday as that's when she was getting her hair done. Roddenbury therefore went with his second choice, setting the show in the mid twenty-third century.

Pitching Star Trek[edit]

Roddenbury went to TV Executives to discuss his ideas. "I wanted to name the series after my favourite cat 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' but they didn't think it was snappy enough. We compromised with 'Star Trek'. To be fair, the cat would still answer to that name."

Filming In Space[edit]

Filming a fictional action series in space is always an expensive and troublesome operation. The Enterprise itself did not have engines of its own and had to be pulled by ropes attached to a space shuttle ( which hadn't been invented yet, therefore it was actually pulled by a Gemini space capsule ).

Gene Roddenbury gave away a few tricks of the trade in an interview with Walter Cronkite. "Obviously, in the course of the series, The Enterprise visits a number of alien worlds. With the limited range of the Space Shuttle ( Gemini capsule ), we could only really get to the moon and thus we just painted it different colours to represent different planets visited. I know the moon is only a third of the size of earth but painting it did take a considerable amount of time and indeed paint, especially in near weightless conditions".

By the third season of Star Trek, budget cuts forced the production team to only paint half of the moon for each episode. "It wasn't ideal", Shatner commented with a comment, "but we just had to work around it and only use half of it. It's sad in a way, but so was Princess Diana dying and the end of E.T".

The first series was performed entirely in the original Klingon with no subtitles.

Star Trek vs. Star Wars[edit]

Star Trek were looking for revenge after their 2-0 loss along time ago in a galaxy far far away and they took an early lead in the first half when Kirk nodded in a header off a cross from Spock. Star Trek continued the pressure and almost went two-up when Chekov had a snapshot from 40 yards. The ball flew inches over the bar with OB1 scrambling across his goal line.

Second half pressure from Star Wars provided them with an equaliser on 72minutes when Skywalker rose highest from a perfectly weighted Leia cross. The remainder of the game was played out at a relatively pedestrian pace with Solo lucky to stay on, only getting booked for a two footed challenge on Picard on 83 minutes.

STAR TREK 1

Kirk ( 8 )

Yellow
McCoy, Spock

V

STAR WARS 1

SkyWalker ( 72 )

Yellow
Leia, Solo


Attendance 56901

"KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!" ( Brazillian Commentory )


Warp Drive[edit]

Kirk, what's that you say you did to Picard?

You have to travel pretty fast to travel around outer-space and Roddenbury knew this. He came up with a measurement called Warp Speed whilst ice skating in Belgium. "I decided to make Warp 1 equal to 100mph." Roddenbury explained, "I know this sounds fast for, what is effectively the lowest speed the Enterprise could travel at, but I don't think you should misunderestimate the size of outer-space. It's many times larger than earth. "

Warp 2 became 200mph and then up in 100 mph chunks with warp 9 being 900mph. "Warp 10 was 2000mph instead of 1000mph because I felt that it should be an out-there kind of figure." Roddenbury continued, "Twice the speed of Concorde. In effect, the enterprise could get you from London to Sydney in just two hours!!"

Time Travel[edit]

Trekians have traveled through time in no less than three of the movies. Three out of ten! Who knew that time travel would really be that easy? Even the Borg can do it, and they all stumble around like drunk stoners!

Also, it works every friggin' time they try it, and they always end up in the correct time period ( both when going back and forward )! It seems that time travel in Star Trek is a derivative of the Poof, There It Is Theory, Kirk obviously having mastered this science. "We need to go there" and Poof, there they are.

In the real world all that is required is an area undergoing a release of stored flux, in motion at a rate of over 88mph ( usually achieved by a DeLorean automobile ).

Almost as fast as Opel Vectra.

Communist Show?[edit]

Star Trek obviously has some connections to communism examples being...

  1. . The helm of the ship is in control of an Asian and a Russian.
  2. . The show takes place in a universe where money had been abolished.
  3. . Women and blacks are treated with respect on the show ( and this was in America during the sixties )
  4. . One of the reoccurring themes is Religion is bad and is no match for technology.
  5. . They have done away with the Christ based calendar and replaced it with Stardates.
  6. . Five year mission, sounds an awful lot like Five year plan now doesn't it?

Apparently Roddenbury was trying spread communism all over the world with this show, or at-least tried to desensitize the masses to the though of it, just like Marx and Lenin were trying to do. Unfortunately television producers caught on to Rodenbury's plot and they shut him down before the sixties were over, before everyone came out of their drugged up euphoria on December 31st 1969.

Kirk's Cock[edit]

Thanks to Captain Kirk's habit of 'going where no man has gone before', Dr. McCoy is the foremost authority on intergalactic venereal diseases, although McCoy could never figure out exactly what Kirk caught from the green chick. Except a few extra pounds here and there. Again.

And if you've ever wondered why all the aliens in Star Trek look like humans dressed up? Ask Kirk... Or Roddenbury, whatever floats your boa- ahem, star ship.

Convoyer C-28[edit]

The Convoyer C-28 can Fire 38 phrazmile criton missiles at the 19-B2 which has a computation mass of a genome skyprok and a comparison balance of 3 class 9 129843-C-328's and a B-1843 also the 8's holds 19 class C-29 which has 20 nine four shinklon holders of a 9 centron space centrofolds which controls the quabark space convoyer with a diagramiun of 19 paces secretion of 82 contractors and comes with complementary cheese. seriously!

Dirty List of Facts[edit]

  • A Star Trek fan has a 10% chance of ever kissing a girl, A 2% chance of ever getting a girlfriend and a .0000000000001% chance of ever getting laid. Unless of course they're over the rank of Commander.
  • What happens on Risa stays on Risa.
  • Dr. McCoy's original nickname was "Boner".
  • Trills are lesbians. It's just hotter that way.
  • Electrical engineers in the future have abandoned the use of circuit breakers, fuses, and general circuit protection of any kind to ensure that bridge consoles explode violently when the ship is hit by enemy fire. But shhh, it's their big secret.
  • Until the Next Generation series, the black guys always died. Well, except for maybe a few times in the first season.
  • Seatbelts were banned in the Star Trek universe, to make it easy for unsuspecting starship captains to grab the booty of their suboordinate hotty chicks.
  • Star Trek: The Next Generation introduced a fetishist mother and son - Beverley Crusher who spends her time crushing people called Beverley and Wesley Crusher who spends his time crushing people called Wesley. All throughout starfleet men and lesbians changed their names to Beverley in the hope of being under those luxuriant thighs, butt and breasts - during the reign of Marguerita Fatcher Star Fleet faced cuts in funding, pay per view domination by Ms Crusher raised significant sums of money. Wesley Crusher however spent his time inventing new experimental means of crushing using high technology. There were a couple of all Crusher specials in which mother got to crush son to assert her authority and stop his out of control experiments.
  • One time Beverley Crusher was trapped in a Warp Bubble created by her son accidentally, in a false reality she believed everyone else was dissapearing, on leaving the warp bubble she punished Wesley by spending a week several hours sitting on his chest pretending that he had dissappeared.