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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Swaziland.

This article may have been censored by His Excellency, Robert Mugabe.

What's that? you don't agree with my official policies? You're trying to undermine
Zimbabwe and her precious democracy, aren't you? TRAITORS TO THE REVOLUTION!


Swaziland is an fictional African country featured in TV drama called "Dukes of Hazzard". According to the CIA it is located between South Africa and Mozambique. However, George W. Bush is known to say that Swaziland is a brand of beans, sold in the Federated States of Micronesia. But, obviously, this isn't correct. Some well-known Swaziland-cities are Lobamba, Piggs Peak, Big Bend and the capital Mbabane. Also known as Neilville and Kuilenburg City.

Two Swazilands are currently in existence, and are fighting for dominance to obtain the name. The other lies in Antarctica. Very little is known about the Antarctican Swaziland, for its population is only 11.5. What is known is that they've got some damn good snuff.


Every year the Swaziland Sport Events are held. The games vary from 'Who can pronounce the capital's name correctly' to 'Who is the first to touch all 46200 Swazi phones'. The Swazis are very good at soccer as well. However, they treat it as basketball. Therefore, the Swazi word for soccer is translated as basketball. Look it up in the Petit Larousse. Their outfits might look funny, but don't say anything about it. They wouldn't understand after all.

The official sport in Swaziland is a "pregnancy race", where competitors have to try and impregnate more virgins than the king, who happens to hold the record with a staggering 300 children and 55 wives. So far, the person who has come the closest is Jacob Zuma, with 274 children and 42 wives.

Language ( or Their Own Version )[edit]

In Swaziland, people speak 'English'. At least, that's what they say. It sounds like an African mix between English and the call of an aardvark. Of course, this is caused by their genetic household. As well as the fact that they have a King, who is the King of Swaziland. The concept of a kingdom was stolen from the Greek, but as long as the Greek aren't told so it doesn't matter.


Swaziland is a country that is visited by tourists very often. Especially by visitors from Mozambique who refuse to give up their nomadic lifestyle even though JFK told them to do so. They aren't tourists themselves, so brochures mustn't be translated for them. They wouldn't read it.The national hero is Chad Johnson.

The Flag[edit]

The Swazi flag, called the Swaztica, represents their history. The flag has three horizontal bands of blue ( top ), red ( triple width ), and blue; the red band is edged in yellow; centered in the red band is a large black and white shield covering two spears and a staff decorated with feather tassels, all placed horizontally. The colors stand for the colors of the sky in the morning, evening and at noon. The shields represents the shields that their ancestors once made. The spears represent the spears that were used to destroy windmills. They also remind them about Britney Spears, who was born in a place of which the name is pronounced in a way that it sounds like Swaziland, but only if pronounced by people with very serious diseases. Do not confuse them with spears they used to kill animals! The feather tassels are just fashion-items, placed to make the flag look more African.


The SwaziArmy[edit]

The Swazis have a great army, which would have fought as if their lives depended on it, weren't it that the SwaziArmy has never been in war. Swazis are brave as lions and they have the courage of a slug (don't let them fool you: slugs have exceptional courage!).There most memorable battle was with that of the german Sasugegroppen, they fough bravely and lost a close battle to the sheep mounted light infantry of mighty deutschland

Futurum fearingum[edit]

Once the Swazis will take over power in the world. However, it is not necessary to learn Swati, because by the time they'll take over the world, the rest of us are evolved into slobby worm-like swimming creatures.