The Teletubbies, also known as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, led Notre Dame to two football National Championships between 1920 and 1924. The four were all dominant figures in their respective positions in the back-field, crushing each opponent mightily. After the perfect 1924 season, they became legends not only of Notre Dame, but of the entire United States.
Tinky "Winky" Stuhldreher
Tinky "Winky" was the quarterback of the team. He led the nation in passing all four years that he started. He threw a record 135 career touchdowns, earning him a Purple Heart ( later rescinded after discovering that he was not actually in Los Angeles for his alleged 5-touchdown performance against UCLA ). Purple was Stuhldreher's favourite colour and he wore purple shorts under his uniform for all 40 games he started. He often appeared in public with a cow-pattern bag filled with junk. This made the public suspect an alternative lifestyle, which led to him falling into a state of psychosis in which after he graduated he ran around aimlessly, often exclaiming "There's a frickin' baby in the sun!!!". During one game, Tinky Winky was suspended for yelling "I got a gun! I got a gun!" However, Winky claimed that he actually said "I gotta have fun, I gotta have fun." He died in 1950 after overdosing on marshmallow peeps. Tinky Winky was also credited with the invention of LSD.
Elmer "Dipsy" Layden
Dipsy, so called for how he made defenders feel after a crushing block, was the fullback who led the way on many option plays to touchdowns. He didn't carry the ball often, but rather preferred the violence of blocking. He critically injured a record 15 people against Syracuse ( charges were dropped ). Fond of rabbits, he often became distracted at practices when he began chasing rabbits that often infested the field randomly. Tragically, Dipsy passed away in 1952 from AIDS. It was later found out he contracted the disease from the friggen baby in the sun.
Jim "Laalaa" Crowley
Laalaa was often known to hum spunky tunes in the huddle. He was the halfback who split time with Don Miller. Oftentimes, all four horsemen were on the same field for the T-bone formation, but usually it was Crowley who got the call on these plays. Compiling 1,000 yards for all four seasons, Crowley was coveted by NFL teams for his speed and versatility. In a stunning move, though, Crowley jumped the NFL in favour for culinary school. He became a successful chef at Chez Chas, but after being caught in a torrid affair with Chas, he was shamed to become the cook at Al's Slop Bucket, a crappy diner on the outskirts of Memphis, Tennessee. It was there that he created the "Tubbie Pancakes", which he named after his pals at Notre Dame.
Baby "Po" Boomboom
Po was called such because he was so kind that people said he was "practically half-pope". Somebody very clever then called him Po. Miller often caught passes out of the back-field, which made him ahead of his time ( seeing that the forward pass was not yet legal ). Referees did not care, however, because often they had money on the game in favor of Notre Dame. Unfortunately, right before the 1924 season he came down with a bad disease. He developed television-stomatitis - a condition which frequently causes large magnets to be deadly. Knowing this vital weakness, USC magnetised their stadium in Po's last game. Although Notre Dame still won, less than a week later, Po fell ill and slipped into a coma which lasted 30 years.