The Gay Team

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Four guys in a van with construction gear and a fondness for uniforms...
B.A. Marracas was able to match carpets to drapes from a distance of up to two kilometers.

"In 1972, a camp Commando Unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they did commit, namely being 'NOT' straight in THIS man's army. These men promptly escaped from a minimum security stockade to the San Francisco underground (Not before they had made sure they had dropped the soap in the Shower). Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as members of Village People. If you have issues with your decor, need help with your appalling dress sense, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire...The Gay Team"

And so begins the delightfully camp 1980 classic TV series The Gay Team;;;, thought by many to be the original influence for the latter "A-Team". It has been noted that the names of the main characters DO bare a slight resemblance.

The show ran from 1977 though to 1982, and spawned the spin off series "Mork Loves Pork".

Character List[edit]

  • Col. John "Hannibal" Quentin-Smythe
Leather-clad moustachioued leader of the squad.
  • Sgt. Big Arse Marracas
Both muscular and black, Big Arse, known as BA, was the most popular member of the squad, receiving more fan mail than is produced by some South American countries annually. His catchphrases "Don't touch me with that thing" and "I pity your taste in curtains" became THE quotes of 1981. He was called B.O. Baracus by the rest of the team because he made the van smell like his sweaty feet, onions and swamp ass.
  • Lt Oscar "Not in the Face" Wilde
Much to the shock of the viewing public his private life made him a cause celebre when it was discovered that the effeminate nancy boy was infact a cigar chomping womanizer. His whereabouts are now unknown.
In a role he would later make his own Howling Mad Dwight Schultz formed a special relationship with BA, though often having to resort to the use of Rohypnol to take advantage of the situation.
  • Capt. Michael "Rainbow rider" Pittman - UCL
P-anal-atologist wannabe. He recently mistaked a cactus for a dildo and spent 4 weeks in a mental institution entertaining celebrities including Kevin Coughlan.
  • Capt. Martin "In Denial" Hughes
Likes the skirts and school uniforms of the Anime regieme. But fortunately for the Gay Team he gets his kicks off the male variety of tentacles. The founding member, he has been recently kicked out after the Gay team released their hit single "Relax". Bitter and alone he has now become a fashion designer, creating renound icons such as the 'See through leather thong' and the 'Piano Neck Tie'. Also a frequent reader and reviewer of the Canon man's The Chronicles of Canon and Anon.

Show Renaming[edit]

Once the show had run it's length, it was decided by ABC execs to change the name of the the show to "Queer Eye for the Bad Guy".