The shits is the phenomena that people experience when they experience a paranormal phenomena, go to the IRS for a audit, or other stressful matters. Symptoms include a huge wet spot appearing on the bottom of your pants, a horrible smell, and loud noises exiting your ass. In the later stages, there is a smelly brown wet mess in your pants. Your friends won't allow you to be with them after this has happened, thus causing a stigmata to be associated with this human function. The only cure for the shits is clean pants, deodorant, a shower and isolation from what caused the shits to happen.
The shits are the inverse of the condition of constipation and usually involves far less pain. They are also very often accompanied by high levels of flatulence.