Third Reich

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Third Reich.
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The National Socialist German Workers' Party approves highly of this article

This article has been approved by the National Socialist German Workers' Party because
it expresses the party's position on Jews and shows that the Holocaust wasn't all that bad.
Because it wasn't. Really.

Third Reich? The Third Reich was for nerds. Soviet Russia, now there's a treat for the real gangstas!

~ Stalin on The Third Reich



What was it all about[edit]

Just another marvelous morning in down town Obererkenschwick

The Third Reich was a project undertaken by German philanthropists who were trying to create a nation of bliss, welfare, prosperity, courage and genocide. Sadly, the last part has been a weency bit overemphasized in the broad range of historical analysis, even though the Holocaust ( a fancy word that Himmler said actually means "Program to increase the production of soap and related products of hygiene" ) was never on top of the Führer's agenda. In fact, he did address the existence of concentration campssin only one of his speeches, referring to the Bergen-Belsen Garden Suburb and its tree-planting initiative by the local mothers' club. Independent and deeply respected experts claim the Holocaust might never have happened on the scale modern history books make us believe ( around 6 million dead Jews and other less productive minorities who had recently retired from economic activity for reasons no one has satisfactorily explained ). But that the heart of the problem was actually a streetfight between rival gangs in the centre of Obererkenschwick, a German metropolis, during which a Jew was hit by a stone after having brutally murdered ten Germans who happened to be pacifists ( pacifism being the dominant ethos in the Third Reich ), and that playful and harmless recriminations sort of escalated in an entirely unexpected way (stop sniggering, Goebbels!)

Acheivements of the Third Reich[edit]

After the first few years of Hitler's successful rule, 90% of Germany's territory had been plastered with Autobahns. Since Autobahns were essential for Germans to use their cars ( under Hitler, every German had the birthgiven right to own three Volkswagens and a piranha ), it was obvious new territory had to be obtained to 1 ) extend the network of Autobahns and 2 ) share Germany's culture and war machinery with other people.


After liberating Poland from the lack of automotive insanity, other industrialized countries decided to declare war on Germany for spreading a higher living standard. Near the end of a long and entertaining war, with Germany ready to blitzkrieg the rest of the world with the remaining 127 soldiers in Berlin ( 6 of them over the age of 12 ), the Führer accidentally shot himself in the head while trying to clean his pistol on April 30, 1945, thus triggering not only his gun but also the sudden and unexpected decline of the Third Reich, which found an end just a few days later. Aesthetes, hippies, and dog-lovers everywhere mourned this gentle, kind man who had hardly done any harm to anyone compared to what was scheduled in SS plans ( giant submersible Mecha-Hitler with V2's shooting out of his arm sockets ).

Those earlier Reichs in full[edit]

The First Reich was founded by Otto the Great in 999 and was based on world peace, unity, friendliness, and the extermination of Saracens, Albigensians, and Slavs.

The Second Reich was founded by Otto the Bismarck in 1899 and was based on the extermination of the French, the enslavement of the Danes, and very slow Autobahns where men with red flags walked in front of open-top Volkswagens.

The Fourth Reich has been the dominant fascist dictatorship on North America since declaring war on Britain on July 4, 1776. This has been the most successful Reich of them all.

The Fifth Reich, better known as 'Queensryche' is a heavy metal band that I don't really know much about. I've heard they're quite good though.