Tifa Lockheart

From Encyclopædia Dæmonica
Jump to: navigation, search
For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Tifa Lockheart.
Member's of the Tifa's International Tifa Society

Tifa "Kokoro" Armstrong (more commonly known as Tifa Lockheart due to bad English translations) is a bartender, terrorist, firefighter, and meteorologist. She has recently been accused of killing every Jenova's Witness that has come to her door. This is probably because they are incredibly annoying and because their name is also a really bad pun.

Early Life[edit]

Tifa was born sometime after the shattering of Magecite and before the invention of the gun-sword thingamajig. Tifa's father is Stretch Armstrong and her mother is the spirit of a mountain climber. While searching for her mother in the mountains, Tifa fell of a cliff and landed on a cloud and named it the Nimbus 2000. For unknown reasons Tifa and the Nimbus decided to go on a quest for Dragon Testicles. However these events are debatable since some historians point out that Tifa was in a coma during this time.

Early Life Part Dos[edit]

After coming out of her coma, Tifa made friends with a spikey blonde haired kid and his stuffed tiger. However these two left to join the organization MOUNTIE. In the meantime Tifa paid the bills by working for Mr. T’s taxi driving service. However, Tifa’s life was turned upside down when MOUNTIE attacked her hometown of Nibblehienie and forced everyone in the town to wear Bullwinkle hats. During the event, Tifa’s father’s arms were pulled off. The silver haired video-game character badass responsible for this disaster was the former deth metal rock star, Sephiroth.

Later Early Life[edit]

After this catastrophe in Nibblehienie, Tifa decided to get a boob job as well as form a terrorist organization with Mr. T, Princess Lea, and the corpse of Padme. They named their terrorist group Mr. T & The Women.

After Later Early Life[edit]

After that a bunch of shit happened that involved lifestreams, guerrilla warfare, espionage, love, pain, ShEn-ron, giant chickens, children made into Christmas candles, Donald Duck, and [crappy spin-offs. However these events are debatable since some historians point out that Squaresoft was on a huge-ass acid trip during this time.

Early Love Life[edit]

Tifa has been romantically linked to Densuke Mifune, Oscar Wilde, Oscar de la Hoya, Oscar the Grouch, Oscar the golden statuette, and the imagination of thousands of Final Fantasy fan boy’s penises.


  • Tifa only buys clothes at the International House of Lumberjacks. She has also modeled suspenders for the IHOL clothing line on a number of occasions.
  • She is hotter than Aeris.
  • She is also hotter than Aerith.
  • Tifa not only is not related to Colin Powell but also does not share relatives, genealogy, or toys with him either.
  • She has a fan club called Tifa's International Tifa Society in which members dress similar to her ( see above picture ). However Tifa does not endorse TITS, although she certainly has some big ones.