Turkish

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Turkey.

Turkish is a language spoken by humans who live in Germany or Turkey, a large country in south-eastern Europe, or is it central-western Asia? It bears no resemblance to the gok-gok noises made by the Christmas birds of the same name. In 1975, Turkish was named 'Most Popular Language' at the 53rd session of the United Nations Interlingual Love-In Committee, and was therefore granted the accolade of having Turkish delight named after it, narrowly beating Urdu, Dog a lick and English with a Swedish accent.

The most interesting feature of Turkish grammar is that each word is longer than the one before it. It is also very repetitive, and strangely hypnotic. So one ordinary sentence might be:

arkadaş 'friend'

arkadaşım 'my friend'

arkadaşımgüdey 'hello my friend'

arkadaşımgüdeyeski 'hello my old friend'

arkadaşımgüdeyeskieklipsi 'hello darkness my old friend'

arkadaşımgüdeyeskieklipsi'Aynstayn 'hello darkness my old friend Einstein'

arkadaşımgüdeyeskieklipsi'Aynstayn'biçte 'hello darkness my old friend Einstein on the Beach'

Turkish is related to Hebrew and Arabic, but in contrast, the Turks have invented the throatal decongestant. Turkish is also related to Finnish, since if it has long words, it MUST BE related. And also because of similar vowel harmony structure, with Hungarian as well. Turkish is very similar to the obscure languages of the former Soviet Nations of Central Asia- Azeri, Uzbek, Kazakh, Turkmen... where Borat is from! Turkish has nothing to do with French, Greek, Arabic, Farsi and Hebrew- only borrows words from them because it's cool to seem 'international'. CIA recently discovered, that Turkish was the inspiration for Tolkien's Black Speech of Mordor].



Turkish is also spoken in Bulgaria, but only by the love-children of Volen Siderov.