Tutankhamen

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Tutankhamen.
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History of King Tut[edit]

Little is known about the "Boy King". Much of what is know was gathered together by famed historian Steve Martin and presented as The Balad of King Tut.

Born in Phoenix, Arizona in 1337 BCE, boy-king Pharaoh "Tut" Tutankhamen moved to Babylonia and ruled Middle Earth. He ascended to his throne in 1323 BCE, after the death of his father Khufuhotep, and reigned for almost ten years.

While he was alive, he was a famous disco dancer. It was well know across the land that the ladies simply loved his style. At some point in his life, he ate a crocodile.

From the best archeological evidence, it is reasonable to conclude that Tut was a Democrat: He was young, naive, implusive, and had many wives ( showing no regard for the sanctity of marriage ). He also enjoyed sacrificing inocent young babies as a part of his godless, self-centered religion. Additionally, he was said to have had three nipples; another common Democratic trait.

Boss Tut ( as he sometimes liked to be known ) gave his life for tourism and was buried alive in his tomb with a donkey by the Rock. Certain ancient hyrogliphics depited him wearing his jammies during this occurance.

Centuries after his death, King Tut was spotted in the United States, filming an episode of the popular 1960's television show Batman. By this time, his boyish good looks were gone, and he was a flamboyant fat man whose sexuality was in question. After the show was canceled, Tut, like his many costars, was never heard from again.

Mystery of King Tut[edit]

Despite all that is currently know about him, Steve Martin asked two rather profound questions about the Boy King, questions that have yet to be answered by philosphers or historians.

  • How did King Tut get so funky?
  • Did he do the monkey?

Kiss-tery of King Tut[edit]

As a well-known womanizer, King Tut was known to have kissed many people. Among them are:

Piss-tery of King Tut[edit]

It is a little known fact that King Tut was a chronic bed-wetter. In fact, he was a chronic pisser in general, taking any chance he got to whip out his crusty ancient Egyptian cock and squirt his waste liquid all over. There was nothing he enjoyed more than pissing his name into the desert sand. Most of King Tut's women found this very romantic, as he would often urinate their names onto the sides of his pyramids. His many wives, however, got tired of cleaning up after him. King Tut's mummy was found without a penis, leaving historians only to speculate on what exactly happened.

The Mummy of King Tut[edit]

This is pretty much all there is to know about Tutankhamen, but his mummy has a mildly more interesting story. First exhumed in 1922 by Indiana Jones & Samantha Carter, Tutankhamen's mummy roamed the earth like the dude he was, rolling large balls of poop across the desert sands. Many feared Tut's balls, calling them "the curse of the Mummy."

Tutankhamen teamed up with Dracula, Victor Frankenstein Junior, and The Wolfman in 1955 to star in several movies. Unfortunately, his ritzy Hollywood lifestyle got the better of him. Spending too much time in James Brown's hot tub, he began to rot. After one too many complaints his co-stars threw him away, replacing him with Joan Crawford.

After being rejected by people he hardly knew, the infamous mummy, who was usually used as a prop was passed from family to family for three decades, usually being transferred via the means of garage sales before finally winding up somewhere in Australia, where his last remaining part ( his arm ) is currently being used as a doorstop by an elderly couple in the small rural town of Beaudesert in Queensland.

Recently the second arm of 'Tut' has been found in Komaba, Tokyo, Japan. A Mongolian student in Tokyo has found it and currently uses it as well as the elderly couple's in Australia ( found dead when a koala ate their last food ) as a doorstop. The possibilities of using mummies' arms as doorstops are also being studied by some research students from The Tokyo University in some bars in Shibuya.

The penis of King Tut was recently found under the Muhabi desert. It is one of the largest penises ever found and is still quite intact. After some decent restoration, the Egyptian government plans to make attempts to let the penis be used for the pleasure of all worldwide.