Unitarian Universalism

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Unitarian Universalism.
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Unitarian Universalism is a religion founded on the principles of A, B, and C, where A, B, and C are principles that you happen to believe in. While its primary focus is within the Judeo-Christian realm, many others come to worship here, including Hindus, Muslims, Agnostics, Atheists, Pagans, Witches, and Loyal Servants of Odin, High Father.

History[edit]

The church is the combination of the Unitarian Church in America, the American Universalist Association, the Stonewall Democrats, and the League of Women Voters.

In 1961, there was a general agreement among the leadership of the churches that combining would provide their congregations with questions to all of their theological answers. A committee was established, whose model became a guideline for all church actions to become: twenty churchmembers sat in a circle to discuss the ecological implications of merging their churches, fifteen debated labor practices and minimum living standards for the employees of companies that the church buys products from, eleven discussed paint colors and which archaic drinking vessel should become the church symbol, and one went off on her own and did all of the work necessary for the merger. All references to particular creeds and beliefs were struck from the church bylaws, and all church copies of the Ten Commandments were relocated to federal courthouses. The meeting was closed with a prayer to "anyone who happens to be out there, or not."

While the initial merger was a success, hostility to the Unitarian societies began to spread among Christian denominations, most prominently in the south. Dozens of incidents were documented where mobs clad in robes and speaking Aramaic burned question marks in the lawns of Unitarians. [Sierra Club headquarters were bombed, and a dozen churches were razed -- leading to great consternation among Unitarian churchgoers about the amount of trees that would have to die in order to rebuild.

To this day, Unitarian Universalists struggle with issues such as discrimination, community recognition, and how to wake up early enough to make coffee for the Sunday service.

Beliefs[edit]

No killing trees or kittens. Or people. Or anything else. But foremost, trees and kittens.
The five sacraments are Dedication, Marriage, Memorial Service, Argument, and Voting.
Easter is the day that Jesus rose from the grave and ... saw his shadow, went back in and we get six more weeks of winter?
It's Adam and Eve, OR Adam and Steve, OR Lilith and Eve. Other options added as necessary.
"How The Grinch Stole Christmas" was a foreshadowing allegory about Newt Gingrich's "Contract with America".

Regalia[edit]

Symbol: "The Flaming Chalice"

Yellow.gif Stop laughing. That's really what it's called.

Hymn: "We Gather Together To ... Gather Together"

Jesus Christ may or may not have risen today,
Alleluia
Whether or not he did is pretty difficult to say,
Alleluia
Let's discuss all sides of the issue thoroughly,
Alleluia
We can take a vote! And then we'll see,
Alleluia.

Holy book: "Roberts' Rules of Order"

Opening Prayer: "Dear God, if there is a God, if you can, save my soul, if I have a soul."

Famous Unitarian Universalists[edit]