Universe

From Encyclopaedia Daemonica
Jump to: navigation, search
Bouncywikilogo.gif
For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Universe.
Spaceplane.jpg
Completely useless.


The universe is a very large thing, so large that no one has ever been able to fit it into a box. Not even Doctor Graham Hamrag, who once famously designed a box that was able to contain an enormous book filled with a detailed description of every single instance in which someone confused "it's" with "its." To give you an idea of how large that book was, think about the number eleventy squillion; think about it really hard, until your brain acquires the consistency of Yorkshire pudding. That book had a billion times more pages than that.

But the point is, not even a box twice that size would contain the universe. One guy even tried to make a box so small that the inside of it would become the outside and thus contain the universe by cheating, but he got bored after the second try and ate a sandwich instead.

What It's Used For[edit]

Not much, actually. It just sort of sits there, fat and lazy. It is said to be very close to its parallel counterparts, and infinitely far away from them at the same time. That kind of indecisiveness is just plain sickening.

Still, without the universe we could not have bananas or cheese, so it justifies its existence in that way at least.

Further study is required to determine whether or not there is a large party taking place at the center of the universe, and why we weren't invited.

Can I Buy My Own?[edit]

Sure you can! Send me a signed blank check, your credit card and social security numbers, and in eight to three weeks something will happen. Satisfaction guaranteed! (Satisfaction with my service is not necessarily guaranteed, but chances are something will satisfy you during that time.)