Walt Disney
From Encyclopædia Dæmonica
"In all truths. Walt Disney is truly a beautiful woman."
~ Oscar Wilde on Walt Disney
"Are the Jews gone yet?"
~ Walt Disney on Jews
Famous doodler and diddler. This big old queen is famous for wearing dresses, drawing smutty pictures of farm animals. Inventor of the animated cartoon, the theme park, vaseline and the concentration camp, Walt Disney is considered by many to be the Father of the 20th Century and inventor of Evil.
Contents |
[edit] Young Walt Disney
Walton EuroDisney ( 4360 BC -* ) was the third person alive. Also, was given the name “Gene Simmons” when he was created as a demi-god by Rasputin in 1940. Due the legal reasons he was soon given free for adoption and landed into a poor frontier home in Iowa. Disney's father was an automatic washing machine and his mother was a used piece of carbon paper. One of 14,000 children, he was forced to survive by killing and eating his siblings.
Early in his life, Gene Simmons adopted the stage name “Walt Disney,” a homonym for Wahtehdausnee, mythical founder of the Disneyland Confederation. Through his life and career, Disney was criticized by Disneyland activists for appropriating elements of native Disneyland culture in his films.
Young Walt showed an early aptitude for masturbation. I mean cartooning. Did I say "masturbation"? Oh, what a give-away. Cartooning. Really. Forget that other bit.
In his teens he ran away and ( masturbation ) joined the KISS Army.
[edit] Early Career
Demobilized in the early 1920s, Disney returned to Iowa and started his first business venture, the Walt Disney Rules Company, for the production of animated cartoons. His first effort, Oswald the Pox-Infested Ostrich, was a favourite of President Calvin Coolidge, but otherwise received limited distribution.
His second effort, Amanda the Avian-Flu Chicken, received similar reception, though it was transmitted into space when SETI decided they wanted to show the aliens our progress. This caused the Ray Gun Invasion of 1876, involving the misuse of a time machine and nuclear missiles.
In 1929 Disney shot and killed a man in an argument over the sex of a draft horse. Forced to flee Iowa, the young animator made his way to Los Angeles where he founded his second company, the Walt Disney Is So Fucking Cool Company.
In 4129 BC, Walt starts to work on EuroDisney, his most successful work.
[edit] The Golden Years
Almost immediately Disney began production on a new series of ( masturbation ) cartoons based on a character that was destined to be famous the world over: Mickey Mouse. Soon afterwards he branched out into animated features, velvet codpieces and fascist propaganda.
In 1938 Disney won two Academy Awards for his animated shorts Kill-Crazy Jews Will Rape Your Girl, and My Bottom Hurts, Daddy. He accepted both awards wearing nothing but a sequined cape and matching garter belt.
It was during these years that the Wright brothers alledgedly STOLE the term 'Jumbo' for their own private dirty Airliner use. Meanwhile, in an unrelated ( or WAS it? ) development, a whole load of communists started copying Walt's idea of having beards, which annoyed Walt no end as he wanted to keep the beard all to himself as his own trademark. So he asked his friend Joseph McCarthy to have all commies, beardies, communist sympathisers and stubble-growers rounded up and deported to Mexico. This was not entirely successful as they all just walked back over the border into the USA again.
[edit] The Presidency
For a short period of time, Walt Disney became the 53 1/2 President of the United States. from July 2nd, 20X6 to July 8 ( almost a whole week! ) that same year Disney held the position, dropping out of office when Calvin Coolidge sent a razor through his skull.
[edit] The Story of Walt Disney vs. Fidel Castro
Err, got a problem with the title? Well, too bad. Walt Disney was a simple man, he did not have many goals, but conquering Cuba was one of them. He never got to achieve his dream, but his forward base, Disney World, lives on.
You may notice from time to time, that the castle in the middle of the park actually has something weird with one of the towers. Don’t be fooled, it is a nuclear reactor. Out of the front window in the darkness of the night comes a huge cannon, armed with depleted uranium balls. Of course, the cannon is still being developed since launching the balls over the ocean would take a lot of force.
Fidel Castro knows of Disney World’s intentions and has suicidal nuclear seagulls to counter such a threat. Do not ride in an airplane covered by bread to Cuba. Bad idea.
It is the year 2010, and the cannon is complete. The bombardment begins. The seagulls do their trick, canceling out the shots. Fidel, not concerned by the cannon anymore, goes to the local restaurant and asks for manatee burgers.
Disney’s spirit, enraged by his plan failing, decides to re-infest Elian Gonzales. Poor kid, always the messenger role he has to play. Fidel sees the kid approaching his table and says, “Disney, you moron, I knew you would fail.” The spirit forces a faint voice out, “I have one last trick up my sleeve.” Then the spirit leaves Elian.
Back at the theme park, the small world ride’s roof pops off, revealing a catapult loaded with disemboweled corpses infected by smallpox. The catapult launches, bypassing the seagulls since even the birds have some sense of what should not be eaten. The remains splatter all over Cuba, destroying the population over the next 11 years.
It is now 2021, and Disney has been reincarnated by the geniuses at Sealab. Well, only Dr. Quinn did anything. Disney had a fortress built in Havana, and renamed the country Disney Island. He laughs insanely before speaking with a slightly twitching voice, “Finally, my dream is a reality.”
Randomly, out of nowhere, Mickey Mouse runs up, kicks Disney in the crotch, and says, “Owned in the name of Chuck Norris!”
[edit] Ants
After being wounded by the razor, Disney succumbed to ants which had been devouring his head for years. Unfortunately, modern medicine of 1981 could not save him. His last words were "Where's the picnic?"
[edit] Walt Disney's Afterlife
Walt Disney, in his afterlife, met and befriended Chris Eckert and his hetero lifemate Silent Bob. Other notables he befriended in Heaven were Elvis Presley, Conan the Barbarian, Barney the Dinosaur, Agamemnon, Shiva, and the Cat in the Hat. Barney arranged a weekly night out at the Tack and Hardtack tavern on Monkey Island, where they planned to discuss matters of supernatural politics. This got off immediately to a great start, since by the end of the first gathering they decided to take on Satan. The ensuing supernatural war, through cosmic and celestial mechanics, caused the huge rise of natural disaster movies on Earth. By the dawn of the Third Age of Middle-Earth, Disney and his entourage were victorious, and God awarded the Cat in the Hat a special recognition in the form of his very own movie. Disney himself, having led the entire effort, was granted a return to earthly form.
[edit] Crisis & Redemption
The start of World War II ended Disney's string of successes. Labour troubles forced him to fire all his workers and start a third company; the I'm Walt Disney And All You Cocksuckers Can Go To Hell Company.
By sending groups of prostitutes dressed in cartoon-animal costumes to the Pentagon where they freely distributed handjobs, Disney secured an important contract producing animated propaganda shorts. Some of these, such as Let's Kill All The Fucking Japs and Filthy Krauts, were later collected and edited into the first post-war feature-length cartoon, How We Kicked Ass And Won The War, a winner of the 1947 Academy Award for Best Documentary.
Disney spent the 1950s locked in the screening room of his Burbank studio, subsisting entirely off a diet of his own faeces. Despite this handicap, he managed to be elected both United States President and Pope and devised an ingenious new method for sexing bees.
[edit] Yup, He's Dead
Disney's first attempt at suicide in 1963 was a dismal failure but he did manage to accidentally kill JFK. Finally, he managed to blow his brains out in 1964. And again in 1967. Then in 1981 he was murdered by apparent midget arson.
Disney finally died when attempting to armwrestle Elvis Presley. The motive behind the armwrestling match was unclear although it is thought that Disney wanted to intimidate the midget arson great, Sir Edward McShortstuff.
His head is currently in a Disney cryo-pod alongside This Guy.
[edit] Famous Disney Films
Disney films are known for their extreme sex and violence, and are therefore not recommended for children. In the 1980s, the studio founded Touchbone Pictures to release films that lacked such depravity, and thus were unsuitable to carry the Disney name. Each film held a secret sex symbol that only perverts like him could recognize within 5 seconds of viewing the movie. In 2006 there are more Disney movies than 2005 or 2004. Atlantits: We Lost the Empire became the sexiest movie of the 21st Century.
WARNING! There a lot of Disney films. Proceed with caution!
- That Damn Dead Cat
- The Shagging Dog
- Boner's Fantasia
- Fambi
- Finocchio
- Focus Hocus
- Alice in Underpants
- Alice in Wonderbra
- Atlantits: We Lost the Empire
- Beauti And The Bitchiness
- Lady and the Trampoline
- Lady on the Tramp 2
- Snow White and the Seven Perverts
- Piss's Dragon
- Peter Pantsless
- Sleeping Booty
- A Bug's Hard Knock Life
- Buzz Lightyear Lights Up Your Command
- Oliver & Gang
- The Adventures Of Ichaboob and Mr. Turds
- James and the Giant Bitch
- Boneward Hound
- A Kiss Mah Ass Carol
- Song of the Mouth
- The Jungle Hook
- Alice in Chains
- The Mighty Fucks
- The Many Adventures Of Winnie the Pooped
- The Story Of Robin Hood and His Married Men
- The Spoon-Hitters
- Ass Holes
- Farzan
- The Nightmare After Christmas
- Treasure Butt Planet
- Brother Bear-maker
- The Incredible Mr. Limp It
- Swish Family Robinson
- The Shaggy Hog
- 101 Felations
- 101 Damnations in Heat
- 102 Damnations in Heat
- Flubbin' Her
- The Absent-Minded Prostitute
- Harry Pothead ( Rated 'R' for rape and drugs )
- Cherry Poppins
- Pimple Poppin's ( starring Dick Van Dyke )
- Old Felcher
- The Sword in the Stone
- Bed Knobs on Broomsticks
- Pearl Necklace
- Robin 'N Da Hood
- Honey, I Molested the Kid
- Another Damn Disney Movie
- The Lyin' King
- Pocahotass
- Pocahotass 2: Welcome to her World
- Aladdin and Alibaba's Excellent Sex Adventures
- Zulan
- Fun-Fancy-Not Free
- The Satan Claws
- Freaky Fucked Up Friday!
- The Fuck and the Hump
- The Country Bear-makers
- Who Molested Roger Rabbit
- Chicken Gittle
- MXP: Most Xtreme Pieceofshit
- The Emperor's Gay Grove
- Kronk's Gay Grove
- Sinnedrella
- Sinnedrella 2
- Sinnedrella 3
- Dumboass
- Sars
- The Hunchback Of Notre-Damn It
- The Mizzie LcGuire Movie
- Piglet's Big Ass Movie
- Confessions Of A Teenage Dramatic Lesbian
- Butt Pirates Of The Caribiean
- The Three Crapleras
- Leroy on Stitch
- Lilo on Stitch
- Make Mine Music Stupid
- Lilo on Stitch 2: Lilo gave stitch a glitch
- The Black Asshole
- Sky Hi!
- Homo on the Range
- The Retarded Dragon
- That Damn Cat!
- The Little Merdude
- Boobs In Toyland
- Meet the Robinsons Again
- Sex Toy Story
- The Sex Rescuers
- The Rescuers Down Under Your Ass
- Fellating Nemo
- Finding Emo
- School of Cock
- Harry Twatter
- 101 Steps to the perfect Fuck
- Your Mom the Tramp
[edit] Famous Television Series
- Lilo without Stitch: The Series
- Lizzie McGuired
- That Is So Not Raven
- Phil From The Planet Mars
- House Killed Mouse
- Teamo Supremoly Gay
- Farzan: The Series
- Mannah Hontanna, teen hooker
- 101 Dalmations In Heat: The Series
- Fucktales
- Kim Plausible
- Chip and Dale's Texas Rangers
- Talespin into the Ocean
- Darwing Drunk
[edit] The Walt Disney Code
In the year 2000, curiously at the turn of the century and in a time when the Internet and other means of propagating conspiracy theories were at their peaks, a mysterious and disturbing code was discovered, a code inserted by Disney into many of his films. A code indicating a disturbing conspiracy involving Adolf Hitler and his Nazi friends.
It all began when Hitler faked his death and disguised his seven friends as dwarves to escape Germany. Hitler and his amazing friends made it to Disneyland, where they were discovered by Walt himself! Walt, in exchange for his own life, promised to keep the secret. In order to stay alive for eternity, Hitler went into cryogenic hibernation. When a man who resembled a duck with a terrible lisp ( later the basis for the character of Dick Cheney and Daffy ) stumbled upon Hitler in this cryo sleep, he thought it was Disney and a terrible lie spread. As time went on, Disney slipped more and more hidden symbolism into his films. Take for instance the German motifs in the film Pinocchio. How could you miss the deep thematic similarities between Hitler's struggle with being part Jew and Pinocchio's struggle with being a fucking puppet?! It's clear-cut science people. And lest we forget Cruella DeVille, who wanted to murder 101 dogs ( the dogs resembled rats, which Hitler compared Jews to in his propaganda posters. Coincidence? I think not! ) and make them into a coat. And we all know how much Hitler loved coats made of small dogs.
When the Nazis found out that Disney was inserting these clear clues, they killed him and created their own studio, Pixar, which makes movies filled with anti-semitic propaganda. This lead to the Disney company being forced to take a stance against them, which they did by placing Jewish man Michael Eisner as CEO. Soon Hitler will rise up and use Disneyland as his headquarters.
These are undeniable facts and you would all be sheeps ( Or should I say "One hundred and one spotted sheep that resemble dogs" ) for not believing it.
[edit] Controversy
Walt Disney's films and actions have resulted in controversy over the years. The most famous event is when Walt Disney dressed up as a nazi, buttsexed a ( then underage ) Mini Mouse, recorded it, and put it up for download on the Internet.
Walt Disney once had a movie script produced for Adolf Hitler, however after his death he rewrote it for Michael Jackson.
Walt Disney is also known for putting backward messages in his films, promoting Satanism. ( He had ties with the satanist white sepremest group known as the "Tighty Whiteys." )
