Wang Chung

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Wang Chung.

Timothy "Wang" Chung ( Born in Alaska on January 5, 1832 - Died September 11, 2099 in Ho Chi Minh City, California ) was a well known American New Age musician, poet, ice cream vendor, turtleneck sweater Boy this shit keeps my neck warm and shit! spokeman and train conductor. He also starred in 132 films, all of which were only released on home video, and only in Brazil. He is buried in Grant's Tomb.

Timothy "Wang" Chung after an outdoor performance in the Phillipines, moments before he was hit in the head by a an overripe pumpkin

Early Life[edit]


Tim was born to famous Scientologists Martha and Johnathan Chung ( famous in that Scientology hadn't been invented yet ) in Alaska. It has been rumored that he was actually found in a rocketship and had come from another planet, but that rumour was started by some guy on acid so it probably isn't true. As a child, he dreamed of hunting polar bears. However, due to a mistake in the Alaska public education system, he was convinced that polar bears were actually clones of Joseph Stalin sent to take over the world. He was nearly killed and eaten by one at age six and decided to stop pursing that particular career and instead found an interest in music.


During his high school days, Timothy attempted to convince his fellow classmates ( as opposed to just his friends, as he had none ) that he resembled an "Asian John Wayne." This didn't work as 1. ) he looked nothing like John Wayne and 2. ) he wasn't Asian. His classmates, instead, took to calling him "dick" ( usually proceeded with the letter "a" or the phrase "what a" ), which then naturally evolved to "Wang", which was close enough to "Wayne" for his tastes so he kept it.

Musical Career[edit]

His first band[edit]

At the age of sixteen he moved to Seattle, Washington and started a grunge band called Flock of TV's Dick Van Patten. However, this was unsuccessful as grunge wasn't popular yet and all of the other band members consisted of stuffed animals he told his mom he had thrown away but didn't. After failing to get a record contract ( or any gigs ), he took a short break to become a pig wrestler. He used the money he earned from this career to buy his first Casio keyboard ( which he named "Snuffles" ).

The JM J. Bullock Experiment[edit]

Chung went on the form The JM J. Bullock Experiment with Jerome T. Watkins III, a homeless guy he met on the train a few months earlier. Chung would play keyboards and sing while Watkins would play the maracas. After months of playing in the train station for pennies, they were noticed by a Geffen record executive, who asked them if this was the right train to take to get to the Space Needle ( which was an odd question to ask, as Chung had moved and been living in Baltimore, Maryland at this point ). Grateful for the information, the executive took the two to lunch and signed them to a twelve album record deal.

Their big hit[edit]

The Bullock Experiment had one hit single, the very popular "My Dad Looks Like That Guy Who Starred in BJ and the Bear", which hit #1 on the Billboard Top 50 R&B Chart. This was dude less to the song's lyrics or music and more to the popularity of the TV show that was referenced in it. After two years of touring, they failed to gain any following whatsoever and broke up.

Where Is He Now?[edit]

Who fucking cares, really? I just wanted to put in an entry for Wang Chung.