Wile E. Coyote

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Wile E. Coyote.
Wile E. Coyote has to rely on government help and donations to survive in the highly competitive academic world of today.

Wile E ( Ethelbert ). Coyote is a super genius. He is consistently ranked among the world's greatest minds in history. He is responsible for some of mankind's greatest in inventions including the world's first thought-activated television, the personalized doormat,

and the morality reader, which enables one to see if stranger is good or evil. His most notable invention, however, is probably Illudium Pew 36, a yellow pill he created that suspends the aging process and enables one to withstand great amounts of pain that may otherwise kill someone. While he never quite perfected it, this pill quickly became the top-selling product of all-time and continues to be used by billions today.

Early Life[edit]

Wile E. was born in London, England in 1919 to parents Cage E. and Mary Coyote. The Coyotes moved to Arizona the United States a few years later. Though his mother, a college professor, always loved him dearly, he was a disappointment to his father, a big game hunter, who forbade him to speak a single word to him until he successfully caught a roadrunner. Though he would spend decades trying, he would never manage to do this. Despite his constant criticism, he quickly became the top student in his nursery school, elementary school, middle school, and part of high school until age fourteen, when he was recruited by the ACME Company. He worked there for a total of four years until age eighteen when he attended Harvard University and graduated with its highest honors. Soon after this, his was recruited by President Wakko Warner as a government scientist to help in his war with the Disney characters.

The Breakdown[edit]

Unfortunately, Coyote's father, who refused to take his son's pill, was growing ill at the time. Coyote at this point began to double his efforts to catch the roadrunner. His father never lived to see this, however. His final words to his son, before his death in 1944, were "I hate you." Though Coyote grew depressed, he continued to pursue the roadrunner to the point where it became an obsession. This obsession put a strain on his marriage and she filed for divorce in 1945. He officially suffered a mental breakdown in 1949. By this time the only thought in his head was catching this roadrunner. He moved into a cave and shed all his clothes. He remains in active pursuit of the roadrunner to this day.