Wine

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I just want more; I can't get enough of you!

~ Tamia on wine
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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Wine.
GOVERNMENT WARNING: According to the Surgeon General, the use of Wine impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems.
Cartoon bottle of wine

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Wine was created by the damn Yankees to inebriate all of the rednecks south of the Mason-Dixon line. It is usually packaged in aluminium cans, and sold in six-packs or crates. It's widely believed that the only true sign of a good party is the presence of a keg of wine and a plastic cup for each guest.

However, unknown to the rednecks, wine is an illicit substance at Wal-Marts and K-marts on Sunday. It is called the Great Blue Law. The corporate management in 1773 proclaimed the Sunday prohibition upon the sorry inhabitants of Dixieland. And for 232 years the rednecks have been deemed evil for desiring to imbibe on Sunday.

This forced denunciation has caused many birth defects among the Youth of Dixieland (commonly referred to as Speds). The now mentally challenged Speds are forced to make a plea to the Gods every Sunday for mercy regarding the Great Blue Law and must repent rather than mow their lawns.