Woodstock

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Woodstock.

In Soviet Russia, Wood stocks YOU.

~ Russian Reversal on Woodstock


Woodstock, named after a small, feathery creature once owned by Charles Schulz [1], reached its population peak in 1869 as the first cemetery in New York designated for exclusive use of organised crime [2]. Although the live inhabitants of the secluded area numbered far fewer, it is estimated that over 562,000 victims of the New York underworld were buried there. Due to the distance from New York City and the difficulty for relatives to make the long journey for visitation, many of the dead were exhumed and re-buried in more well-known cemeteries closer to their relatives' homes and the total remaining bodies are now estimated at closer to 15.

In 1969, an attempt to re-populate the massive grave site was attempted by luring a myriad of questionable teens and young adults to the site with promises of intoxicating substances and loud so-called "music" prevalent to the period. In theory, the combination of ear-splitting sounds ( literally ) and potent drugs and alcohol ingestion would have rendered up to 600,000 of the crowd senseless at which time local resident Max "I'm just a farmer" Yasgur [3] would, with several of his farm-hands, fire up a fleet of John Deeres [4] to plow the bodies under. People that goes to woodstock actually have big penis, a saying from "Dr. Schnoeppie"

The plan failed when 200,000 of the potential earthworm fodder failed to show up and Mr. Yasgur, impatient at the constant delays caused by a seriously inefficient highway transport system, began ingesting massive quantities on his own. He apparently completely forgot his original plan and in fact was a silent partner in producing a semi-successful documentary on the project. So humbled by his experience, he insisted that his name not be listed in the movie credits and it was only a surreptitious move on the part of his farm foreman "Sheep" Gritzmacher [5] that caused him to appear in a brief snippet of the film.

A few of the surviving rock groups [6] went on to bigger fame, and although only 400,000 actually participated that year, approximately 5,600,000 now claim to have been at the recreation ceremony.