World of Warcraft

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about World of Warcraft.
A hardcore WoW player in full Epic gear
A popular WoW Tutorial for noobs used to playin the 'Lord of the Rings' Games.

World of Warcraft is a famous parody on the game World of Whorecraft made by President Robot. It's newest version is an MMORPGOMGLOLWTFBBQ, or more simply an MMORPG, which is what most modern games are. It is based in the fictitious world of Azeroth, a warring land. Hence, the name. In the game, you choose your side, race, and start at level 1. From this point, you go through the World of Warcraft clicking on animals, doing quests ( generally related to clicking on animals ) and raiding instances ( that is to say: going to some dungeon and clicking on the animals inside ). The fauna of World of Warcraft includes bunnies, wolves, seagulls, beached whales, walking trees, Cthulhu and Invisible Pink Unicorns. The challenge of the game lies chiefly in the sheer volume of animals needing to be beclicked. It is estimated that players need to click on roughly one cubic mile of animals before reaching the rumored level 80, at which time you will have lost your life, your job, your friends and have become a soulless fiend bent on world destruction. Should you perchance need to rest your index finger for a while, you could always chat with other loser with no life, or sell plastic daggers to noobs for like 50 gold.

Currently, the amount of subscribers to the game is approximately %130 of the population of New Guinea. However, the population of its fansites is at least three hundred times that of its lower population servers.

Combat[edit]

Combat in World of Warcraft is similar to releasing a baboon with a crayon in a coloring book factory. There's no real way of knowing where the baboon will color, and where he'll leave a steamy pile of "hello". Blizzard designed the combat system to be fairly autonomous, but there's no real way of knowing how much damage you will do to the intended target or even if you'll hit the target at all. Be aware; When you enter combat you may die!

There are multiple functions to WoW's combat system: Critical Strikes, Damage Over Time, Status Effects, Immune, and Bounce.

Critical Strikes involves Line Dancing. You have a set percent chance to do double damage every time you attack in any way. Magic has it's own CS percentage, as does simple cooking. The ability to do double damage is about as likely as someone wanting to kill themselves so they go to the edge of a cliff, tie a rope around their neck from a tree close by, drink poison, light themself on fire, Load a gun then jump off, Shoot the gun at their head, Miss, Cut the rope, Fall off the cliff and happen to fall into the one spot with water at the bottom, which puts out the flame and then vomit up the poison and live. It just doesn't happen.

Status Effects Stun, Fear, Sleep, Charm and Resurrection Sickness are all forms of Status Effects. In some ( Stun and Sleep ) you can not move. In others ( Fear and Charm ) you are limited in control of your character. Resurrection Sickness is notably the most irritating of status effects. It is not dealt in combat, but is a result of being dead and having intense laziness. If you choose to, you can resurrect your character by a Spirit Healer, and take 25% durability damage to you armor, and be weakened by 75% in all attributes. Thus, you've become Steve Urkel.

Immune is when you just can't be hurt by the attack. Only Chuck Norris is immune to everything. Creature's attributes tell how resistant they are to a certain element. If a creature is fully resistant, they are immune to damage in that element. Again, Chuck Norris is the exception to the rule.

Bounce is when your character avoids being raped by an attack or spell. Like the other combat abilities, you can build up your dodge rating higher than Bill Clinton can dodge questions ( "What do you mean by dodge?" ). Again, a random roll via a percentage rating determines if you are hit by an attack. With some characters it is possible to dodge all attacks. These are called Twinks and they are hated by PvP players. Unless they are twinks or on a twink's team.

Dying[edit]

When you die you run back to your body and all is well, much like in real life. Death happens quite often in WoW, and should not be looked upon as a negative, until you reach lvl 70. After reaching lvl 70, you are expected never to die, and if you do, anyone is allowed to spam insulting macros at you, such as Spit, Laugh and Cry.

If one does die, the only way to avoid the shame of death is via quick resurrection. This can be done by only a few classes in WoW, by Elune, or by george bush who will use "weapons of mass destruction" as an excuse to ressurect you. If you are forced to resurrect at a Spirit Healer, it is advisable to wait for death once more, as Resurrection Sickness is more commonly known as Super-Mega-Turbo-AIDS.

Honor Kills[edit]

An Honor Kill is when you kill another player who is incapable of defending him/herself. You get 50 Honor Points for killing a character your level or above. For each level below your current level, you get an additional 50 points unless you are a Rogue. Rogues receive 100 points per level. If your character appears as a "skull" to the killed player, the murderer also receives bonus points. Camping bodies is encouraged by Blizzard, and killing characters in the middle of escort quests are not only rewarded by extra bonus points, but are great fun to chat about in your guild chat.

Many people falsely believe that while in contested territory, there is an understood rule that you will not attack enemy factions while they are completeing quests. This can be signaled by a bow or dancing with enemy characters. In reality, this marks the start of a race to see who can complete their quest first and then go find and kill the character that you were having such a good time with only 15 minutes earlier.

This tactic can also be used to call for backup and kill characters you aren't sure you can take on your own.

Of course 87% of the people who play this game have never heard of cricket or baseball and havent thought of smashin other players heads and servers. Air strikes are also great ways for making different types of smoothies out of those bloody elves.

Armor[edit]

Armor in World of Warcraft can be split into 3 categories: rags, pillows and tanks. Rags are better for spellcasting, Pillows are better for comfort and Tanks are better for defense. As you gain levels, you will gain access to more powerful armor. A similar system was originally used in the game Super Mario Bros, however Blizzard quickly remedied this by having the game creators shot.

"One time at band camp Taurajo, there was a guy I know with Epic armor. It was totally awesome. Seriously, dude. For real. He was, like, an Undead Warlock, with a Tier II Raid set. The full set. Some other guy I know sold that on eBay for a billion dollars. That's like a million thousand dollars!"

-Urkel on World of Warcraft

Armor Quality[edit]

There are different levels of armor and weapon quality in World of Warcraft, ranging from Gay to Algar Puce. Gay items are the worst quality, often nicknamed "Bludywastemybagspaceargh". The Highest level of armor quality currently in the game is Legendary ( Coloured Brown ), these items are Legendary in quality and reputation. If you wear it, people call you a twink. That means you suck because you bought your gold on eBay, then bought your character's armor on eBay. Dude.

Skills[edit]

There are 11 available skills in WoW:

Defense: Increases your ability to defend yourself from formidable foes, such as Bill Clinton

Damage: Increases your ability to build dams. This is useful in PvP if you need to block a river. Currently there are 0 rivers in WoW, making the skill difficult to train...

Summoning: Increases your ability to summon demons. Summoning is performed by reading anything backwards. example b00n. This spell summons a being of no power whatsoever.

Stupidity: Increases your stupidity. The more stupidity you have, the more likely you are to run off a cliff and die. You are also more likely to win a stupid argument with another stupid n00b.

Prayer: A higher prayer level decreases your chance of insulting Kele with your shite rendition of "the prayer" helicopter is better anyway so fuck it

Dying: Increases your ability to die. If you have high Dying, you will die before you reach 0 Health.

Baking: Actually having little to do with the cooking of wheat based products, baking involves intense sessions whereby your character must remain in a state of utter AFKness for at least two hours. If your baking skill is high enough you transcend reality and become one with Buddha, but don't think that means you can have any of his cookies. 4 Attack points can also be gained in this process, but it is debated keenly on several forums as to whether the attack points are gained before or after you try to steal Buddha's food.

Prostitution: Increases sluttyness, is good for trading and may serve as an alternate payingmethod. All night elves and n00b elves start with this skill maxed out.

Killing: Increases your ability to kill. When you have 24 Killing ability points, you will be able to call down Chuck Norris from the heavens to roundhouse kick your foes. This is the equivalent of God Mode.

And 2 others, but they were removed by the CIA for security reasons.

Gods of World of Warcraft[edit]

Warcraft has many Gods, some of them include:

Leeroy Jenkins[edit]

Leroy Jenkins


God of the N00bs, an immortal human paladin. Singlehandedly is known to wipe out gazillions of party members by simpily rushing into a room of mobs and screaming "Leeeeeeeeeroy Jennnnkins!" His WoW-life has been in the spotlight for many years. However, he has fended off all criticisms, with those immortal words, "At least I got chicken." Because as he was AFK, he was reheating the fried chicken leftovers, thus saying "least i got chicken"

Chuck Norris[edit]

chuck norris

God of Everything.. ever. He seems to be one of the most arsenal combatants we've seen in years. He takes out scores of n00bs with his roundhouse kicks to the face. The roundhouse kick is one of the only AoE's he can use, but the upside is that he is high enough level to be able to use this AoE attack. They made the LFG chat channel so people could constantly talk about his greatness, but it was removed because players started trying to look for groups in it. ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US

Eomer[edit]

Eomer

God that resides in Frostmane, has many cults and is also known as the God of furry kitty wrath. Sometimes mounted scouting for young asian prostitutes to take advantage of. Sometimes rumored to be omnipotent.

Copperfield[edit]

Copperfield

Also resides in Shattered Hand, Copperfield has the Biggest "tools" on the server He is also known as the best Raptor in this game.

Hogger[edit]

Hogger


God of superhuman strength. This Orc Hunter, who resids over the lookingforgroup chat on the server burning leigon has rumored to have joined a guild of warriors known to many as "the Ghosts of Doom" and he often critcals for 1337 on lowbies in the outlands all day long. Unlike Chuck Norris, his skills are more diversified even at his lower level. He also is known to omgwtfpewpewlazerpwn noobs. He dosn't look like the picture because nobody can ever capture his extreme essence inside one photograph.

Binladin[edit]

HouJerry


God of terrorism as well as anything that smells, acts, shits, plays, talks,and eats his shit.. like a terrorist. He materialises within the game under the pseudonym of Kovah. The materialised version is however lacking any form of godlike skills and only kills very very low level critters with his UbErr sKiLLZorZ!11. These appearances and skills are as infamous and unlikely as the Virgin Mary appearing in Sainsburys Pharmacy to Bernadette the local crackwhore and hallucinogen abuser. Believed to be the originator of the dialect known as "Spitwhileyoutalk".

Joe the assraper[edit]

Balloo


God of secks. Resides in the Blade's Edge server. Pwns all whores who disrupts his amazing sleep. He owns all mobs of all races/classes and in all numbers. The most famous god of World of Warcraft. Also cant tie his own shoes and loves baths with little boys.

Arahere[edit]

Arahere


God of all that is Worldly and Warcrafty resides in the realm of Aman'thal and if often seen pwning teh n00bz0r with his "uber 1337z0r" bow and arrows which seem to make him invulnerable to any other form of attack.

Saddam Hussein[edit]

Sadam Hussein

God of HIV. His favorite line is "Death to the infidels, and those gnomes!" Rumors are he culminated the first HIV virus in game with Arahere, the god above him.Presumed dead. He was the one who spread HIV though out the world.....of warcraft

Cairne Bloodhoof[edit]

Cairne Bloodhoof

God of Soon-to-be-Glue. Probably uglier than you ( whoops, nevermind ). Hes also gay and likes it in the ass from tiny gnome penis

Factions[edit]

There are two main factions in WoW, the Allied Forces and the Soviet Horde. Along with this, common Horde players weigh anywhere from 350 - 6000 pounds, and chronically masturbate while playing WoW. The allied players prefere to sexualy abuse their grandmothers.

The Allied Forces[edit]

The alliance has all coll classes except gnomes. When a night elf learened gnomes gained the intullectul abillity to taalk they warned the council that they can now beg and annoy people.


Alliance:
Average IQ: 1337
Average Age: 15 - 21
Population: 1337357
Leaders: Mr.T, 

Mr.T: a paladin with full gold 27 gold neclaces 30 gold rings and 14 gold trinkets his most deadly attack is putting all his medillans on you which kills you most horde dies when they see there reflection in the shiny bling-bling. Humans: people that have extreme magic skizils. Night elves: rular of the world there every where in stealth mode waiting to kill you. Gnomes: n00bs that get made fun of by everyone deadly because you might trip on them. dwarves: they only care about beer mining and woman they have big beards and live in caves.

The Soviet Horde[edit]

the horde are n00bs that are green, dead, or cows there hobbies are cutting down trees so when they leave home and have to take a piss they gotta pee on a scorpid which then attacks them and kills them and they respawn and have  full bladder. There favirite sayaying are we are n00bs in orcish kek alliance pwn us in orcish lok'tar.


Horde:
Average IQ: -8975
Average Age: 12 ( at most ) 
Population: 62
Leaders: carny n00bhoof, themall


orcs: n00bs that doomed all of azeroth by going to the dark portal and telling the demons to follow them. trolls:tall orcs that like mojo. tauren: cow men that die alot from mad cow when they die they pick up there meat eat it and get mad cow again and die untill they have to respawn at the spirit healer and get rez sickness but they have alergys to it and get mad cow again and die. unundead: dead guys that were alive but then died they lay there and stay dead.

The Burning Crusade[edit]

In early 2007, an expansion of World of Warcraft was released called the Burning Crusade. Burning Crusade refers to emo pyromaniac kids's crusade to set things on fire.

Outland[edit]

The new continent added to WoW in the Burning Children is Outland. It has been overrun by Clinjas, and most quests in the area deal with killing them. The only way to reach Outland is through the Bright Portal, which is guarded by Chuck Norris. You have to beat Chuck Norris to get into Outland. This is impossible unless you have a Chuck Norris helping you. Due to the paradoxical situation involving access to the Bright Portal, it has been reported that more than fourteen keen WoW players have committed adultery and/or suicide.

N00b Elves[edit]

A new race added in the Burning Children. They used to be plain old elves working for Santa Claus, but eventually they became so n00bish that Santa fired them, and they hate him for it. They joined the Horde because all its other members also hate Santa.

They're the only Horde race that can be Bubbleboys.

Adding the N00b Elves to the Horde, however, was a very st00pid move because now all the 2-year-olds that are new are creating n00b elves, and this will lower the Horde average IQ to a measly 4, which somehow increases it even though they're n00bs.

Night elves hate N00b elves because they are better looking than them, this leads to many arena matches, usually involving all females and not involving any clothes... When this happens, multiple things can occur:

  1. . The server may crash due to over activity in one area by horny nerds.
  2. . Players may record the matches for viewing on YouTube.
  3. . GMs may "accidentally" cancel the match, causing the female avatars to have to start all over again.
  4. . Point 3 is unlikely due to the fact that most GM's are too busy throwing players off cliffs or disposing of their mana potions.
  5. . Blizzard say that this is 'working as intended'.
  6. . The BG's crash causing them to have to stay, fighting forever!

The n00b elves capital city includes all the usual anemities of a capital city plus a 24-hr health spa, a Wal-Mart & a gay bar.

Space Berries ( Cows )[edit]

It is possible that they are a cross of alien-demons and cool glowing things with a side of Soviet Russia.

It is a fact that male Draenei have octopi attached to their faces. They also seem to enjoy oraly pleasing themselves.

Chinese Farmers[edit]

A kind of weird race in the World of Warcraft is the Chinese farmers. Watch out, cause these geeky bastards will try to rob you!

we suspect, that these chinese farmer, in fact, orgiginate from china. However, the blizzard devs grew jealous of them, and deleted all of their first characters. they lost their minds, and became what we call, to this day, koreans.

Instances[edit]

Instances are areas in the world where only 5 people can be inside it at a time. If a 6th person enters the hard drives of the original 5 will burn up.

Dire Mall[edit]

Dire Mall is a level 55 - 60 instance that is actually one large shopping mall. It has three wings, called The Bay, Wal-Mart and Food Court.

In The Bay, the players have to fight off defective merchandise and poor customer service, among other powerful demons. The boss is called "Customer Service", who has 427864336424 health and hits for infinite damage. The only way to kill him is to summon Chuck Norris, who can kill him before getting hit by his attack, although Chuck Norris can probably survive Customer Service for at least a few hours.

In Wal-Mart, the players must fend off evil Satanic employees, low prices and even more powerful elementals. The boss is called "Happy Face of Doom", who has only 5 health, but in the first millisecond of the battle, he stares at you so hard you just die. The stare even goes through invincibility potions, blindness and nullifies soulstones.

In the Food Court, you have to kill burgers, pasta and even stronger food. This wing is the easiest wing if you have Homer Simpson on your side, who will simply eat the food. The boss is called "Salad". The only way to damage him is to eat him, but he is poisoned so eating him will also kill you before you finish. Homer Simpson however, is immune to poison. =D

The Deadmines[edit]

This instance is similar to Minesweeper, except all the mines are dead. None of them will go off. The instance is also infested with the Defias, a group of wannabe terrorists who try to plant live mines. You have to put a flag on them. Players must give attention to these mobs because some of the are said to be elite- this means they can make suicide bombs killing all players in 500 yards blast radius.

Bosses in Deadmines[edit]

Sneed: This goblin will use his Shredder to make you into Diced Human ( or Diced Gnome, or Diced Whatever ). The simplest way to kill him is to unplug his Shredder, forcing Sneed to come out. Sneed himself only has 2 health, fortunately.

Smite:See the article on Smite for a good explanation of this boss.

Cookie: A giant Oreo. You have to eat him before it goes bad. The Cookie is so big, that is impossible without Homer Simpson, who eats at a rate of 100000000 tons per second. The only problem is to get Homer Simpson off the couch.

VanBeef: A big butcher van. You have to destroy it before it runs over you. A very easy boss, since you can simply pop its tires with a gun, so it can't run you over.

Ultimate Bosses[edit]

You may want to bring some of this...
  • Ragganagaros: Is the boss in the instance Molten Whore, however he is surprisingly easy. All you need to defeat him is a stick with a beef on, and 5 books about how to make mustard.
  • Onyxiargh: A huge dragon that flys around wherever it wants to. Can be defeated by yelling "LOL, a bird!"
  • Any boss in Ahn'Qiraj ( A.K.A. wannabe Starship Trooper land ):Too many to say here...all you need to know is they all pwn...
  • dans Mom: The ultimate boss. dans mom. She uses her special powers and can use attacks like slap attack and super spank. Beware cause when her HP is down to 1, she will use "You're Grounded!" and you will die insantly. There is no current way to kill this super boss.
  • Thaddius: The man behind Duracell batteries. In order to beat him, you have to find and collect all the magic batteries and then do a super spin onto his feet with Tails taking out his head.
  • Nefarian: An easy fight, just make him fall off the balcony.
  • Hogger: If Carlsburg made bosses....
  • Kel'Thuzad: The refrigerators of your home house.
  • C'dumb: A giant eyebally-thing, rumored a giant penis on a constant erection dwells within him, if you successfully beat him there is a 0.000000000003% of it dropping.
  • Ill-Dan Formpage: Is half human, half Shetland pony and half penguin (pig and penguin), His favorite phrase is you are not prepared meaning you need a condom if you're going to beat him.
  • Thistle Boar: This savage being is found in the most desolate and remote area in all of azeroth and outland....Aldrassil!!!!!!!!, The loot is so fantastic any one who can beat it is rewarded with a ruined pelt which sells for the big cash at the vendor.
  • He-man: By the power of grayskull, He has the power !!!!!. He-man has rumored traits of a palidan but the look of a female orc, the speed of a bear in heat, and the hair of a bald eagle, his cat cringer is extreamly brave all the time so you have to be on the watch out, the only way to beat him is to make and undead character called Skeletor, He-man is level 23 so watch out!.
  • Bolvar Foreskin: Rumored to be the most rare and toughest challenges in world of warcraft ,this elusive penis has never been beaten and as a team of at least 500 people is needed to get anywhere close to victory is needed Bolvar Foreskin is one tough cookie.Such attacks as cum-shot and salami slap have been reported to hit 25000 a turn .Last sighting reported near the dense dark forests of Tanaris Desert.Blizzard have offered a prize of 50 bronze to anyone good enough to defeat this foe
  • Bingo Ha: The Hidden Boss, hidden in depths of Orange County, their lives a evil predator, Bingo Ha is not effected well by damage, the only way to kill him, is to dumb-found him, his damage hit can be from 80 - I don't want to be your friend anymore!!!! Damage. His Ultimate Spell, What if it doesn't rank 2¹º¹¹º, can knock the World of Warcraft Fun out of you. Be careful, don't let it speak, or your mom's cow will be summoned! He can also spread out slowly and move rapidly afterward, making him very hard to hit unless you're a cheese sausage.
  • Konan: This Boss resides is Stuttgart and is High Lord Mobile Suit Supreme Battle Mage of all creatures and races. All that exists in Warcraft is Konan's. Konan is Level 1000 and will crush you.
  • Zinedine Zidane: This boss is particulary tough for players playing as the italian chef. specelises at headbutting and loosing important matches.
  • Dora the Explorer: She is overwhelmingly cute, and her pet monkey will throw his faeces at you if you get too close. She is often thought of as an incarnation of Oprah.
  • Chuck Norris: A boss that is completely unbeatable. He has unlimited health, but that does not matter because you can never touch him. His best move, the roundhouse kick, obliterates all life within a 40 yard radius.
  • Benson: A boss that is said to be unbeatable. He goes in public by the name jesus. Jesus summons his mount ( an old 1989 steel framed aluminum sided volvo ) which is full of Rum. Lots and Lots of Rum. His only weakness is to offer a goodlooking virgin.
  • Bob: No i dont know who that is but hes called Bob he must be good.

Playable Classes[edit]

  • Warrior: max is 5 hp and no spells and no mana.
  • Warlock: They get little tiny pets with 12 hp the lock itself had 58 hp easy fight.
  • Paladin: Never dies they do 0 dmg but go invunarable and run.
  • Hunter: This is t3h pwnx0r class you can shoot arrows and u get a kat you can shoot someones head off they do 80 dmg a ninjasecound.
  • Rogue: This is the class for those who like to spend 20 minutes staring up the asshole of a 20 ft monster. You will repeatedly try and put your long naked tool into his whole.. if you're really lucky you might crit and skeet absolutely everywhere.
  • Shaman: This is like everything. They can DPS for a whole 1 dmg a hour ( dope pot smoke ), heal 1 health a hour( bandaids ), and they can even tank to guard from one hit(go go transformers). They have been known to turn into puppies and run if the raid is going to wipe... they also smell funny from time to time.
  • Mage: Essentially you're a water cooler and snack machine, unfortunately, they dont even pay you for itwhen they do that you freeze them then they come back in the year 3000 and have to get a job chip and deliver stuff with space ships and nixions head yelling at you.
  • Priest: Your gunna stand at the back and throw giant green bandaids at the people who are stupidly trying to stick there hands down a dragons throat hoping to find some phat loot. Have fun.
  • Druid: This class is for those who like to turn into other things like cats "meow" and bears "RAWER"... of course if your are disabled this class is not recommended because your cat will have training wheels and be crippled. Druids are also known for the 1337zomgroflcoptern00b amount of honorable kills they can give to the other team.
  • The Italian: This is a lesser known class in WoW, you spend most of your time twirling pizzas and laughing at some jokes about pasta. No-one speaks your language so you cannot communicate with other players, because normal people dont say eulai 20 times in a sentence. You can only throw meatballs at them. You also need to be skilled at soccer.
  • Mel Gibson: by far the hardest class to play in World of Warcraft, if you manage to play him successfully, you will be able to shoot fireballs from your eyes, and bolts of lightning from your arse. A group of 10 Mels once downed Dora, they are currently devising strategies to take down Chuck Norris.
  • al-Qaeda Terrorist: One of the most powerful classes that is in existance by far. The advantages of being an al-Qaeda Terrorist ( especialy gnomes and undead )is that the whole concept of "skill" doesn't have to be a factor in a situation... run to a character, activate the spell "Jihad" ( only available on the Burning Crusade, Level 32 minimum ) and all your enemies and half of you body are obliterated. To revive yourself, you must go to the nearest mosque.
  • The Jerry Wu, this class has unlimited intellect and is very smart. They will study your skills and tactics until they can predict your every move. Later, they will come and eat all the food you have in your refrigerator, this class must be defeated by setting up traps in your kitchen and refrigerator.
  • The Philip Hale, one of the worst possible classes in all of the existing MMORPGs. The only viable skill that class has is Stealth Loot in which The Philip Hale will go stealth by covering himself in completely black clothing and shooting an aware pedestrian in the back of the head. Afterwards, The Philip Hale commences to loot the dead corpse. Otherwise, this class is completely useless and has no real meaning.
  • Monkey Man, The only class known to fling poo and masturbate furiously at its opponents.


  • African American- yo, dis class is out of this world(and into a jail). You get to make cotton t-shirts to all the other classes and you also get to dance better than anyone else. Special attacks include
  1. . Not running for elected official
  2. . rap
  3. . jews steal your money
  4. . deal crack to suburban white kids
  5. . get a level sword if you know what I'm saying
  6. . George Bush will not care about you