Yogurt

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Yogurt.

Allemächtiges Joghurt!

~ Tamia über Almighurt
Part of the secretive yogurt making process

Yogurt ( often incorrectly spelled Yoghurt under mysterious circumstances ) is a type of food product made by liquifying other food products and adding liquid [vodka. Yogurt comes in many different shapes, sizes, colors, brands and most important flavors. Yogurt was invented by Lord Henry Cumberdale-Yogurt, the first Duke of Essex in 1067.

Originally, there were very few yogurt flavours avaliable due to the lack of varieties in food native to Essex at this time, so the first range was limited to Strawberry, Cow and Horse. As more food products have become available to yogurt manufacturers, there has naturally been an explosion in flavors. All yogurt is still made in Essex by the family of Lord Henry, and is then sold on to the individual brands for packaging. The reason for this arrangement dates to the 1453 Yogurt Monopoly Prevention Act by the European Union, by which the Cumberdale-Yogurt family were forced to sell their yogurt to other European manufacturers.

Russian single-reversed Yogurt is a speciality in eastern Europe.

The used of vodka in yogurt is hotly debated worldwide, however the Cumberdale-Yogurt family insists that the vodka is a vital ingredient in the process and helps to liquidised food to bond together. It is thought that Lord Henry first observed the food-bonding effects of vodka after he drank to much of it and noticed his food ( which had miraculously appeared on the floor ) was all stuck together, something which some modern scientists now wrongly attribute to the digestive system.

Although it is easily possible for anyone to make yogurt, as it is simply liquidated food and vodka, it is illegal under international law for anyone other than the Cumberdale-Yogurt family to produce it. Violation of the law can result in being executed on the spot by eating yogurt until you die, not a nice fate.

Flavours of Yogurt[edit]

Facial hair flavoured yogurt

Currently there are many flavors of yogurt available, here is a list of some:

  • Strawberry - Actually the original yogurt flavor, although unpopular in recent years, some have begun to suggest stopping production.
  • Cow - Still highly popular, produced by liquidating a whole cow at a time.
  • Raspberry
  • Peach
  • Orange
  • Mandarin
  • Ground Emos
  • Overweight Ground Emos
  • Morbidly Obese Ground Emos
  • Double Latte Chocolatto Mucho Grande El Supremo Nintendonian Rump Hump Waffle
  • Satsuma
  • Stephen Colbert
  • Clemetine
  • OMG that guy has pubes on his face - OLD MAN PUBES FLAVOR ( much like that guy from that thing... )
  • Sunset Orange ( In reality the previous five all taste exactly the same. It has been speculated that they are all actually Cumberdale-Yogurt orange but marketed differently by brands )
  • Pot Noodle - The only yogurt which you must add your own vodka too.
  • Salt and vinegar
  • Owl semen
  • Paint - Introduced in 1992, outlawed around the world for the next 10 years, is now legal again.
  • Apple Pie ( No, really. It actually tastes like apple pie too, pastry and all. I suspect magic is involved. )
  • Acorn
  • Bald Eagle ( An American favorite )
  • Wildebeast
  • Nine Thousand
  • Facial Hair
  • Pubic Hair
  • Chinese - Introduced to help with the overpopulation of China.
  • Indian - A massive success worldwide. But not in India.
  • Snot
  • Pizza ( available in pepperoni )
  • Cheese ( cheddar, mozzerella, and goat cheese )
  • [Cat litter - Add pieces of cat litter into it for a crunchy and tasty treat!
  • Lolita - ( >.<)
  • Giant man-eating pigasarussheepgoatcowllama

Yogurt Discharge[edit]

Yogurt discharge is a strange phenomena which no-one can explain. The discharge occurs when the yogurt is opened. Some of the yogurt sprays out at incredibly high speed ( the fastest recorded yogurt discharge took place in 1994 and was 14,000MPh ). Yogurt discharge kills approximately 4500 people every year.

Culture[edit]

Yogurt is one of the most important social discoveries of history, this is because yogurt is attributed with being the origin of culture. The main difference between yogurt and Australia is that after 200 years, yogurt develops a culture whereas Australia so far has not.