Zucchini, ( Colocynthus insipidus Linn. ) known to the savages of the North Sea Archipelago as courgettes ( pronounced queue à la grandeur americaine ) is the only vegetable that is not kosher. In St. Ides's Epistle to the Philodendrons 3:16, it is written:
- As thou sowest, so shalt thou reap. Wherefore, if thou plantest zucchini, thou shalt eat it all, thou and thine household, else thou shalt cast it away.
Thou shalt not give of the zucchini thou hast harvested unto thy master, nor unto thy servant, nor unto thy fellow-servant, nor unto thy neighbour, nor unto thy neighbour's neighbour, nor unto the stranger that sojourneth amongst thee: lest they be burdened thereby, or curse thee under their breath.
Lest they be tempted to break this rule, orthodox believers of all persuasions abstain from the insipid stuff.
In the Bible, Yul Brynner and his fellow Egyptians were smitten with a plague of zucchini by God, acting through His prophet Charlton Heston. These events were the subject of the book and movie Exordium and Terminus, also known as In the Year 2525, by Cecil B. De Mille. Driven beyond the limits of human tolerance by the Plague of Zucchini, Brynner gave some of his zucchini to his neighbour's neighbour, and as a result of this breach of sacred law was cursed with baldness.
Zucchini the musician
A notorious antisemite, Italian singer Adelmo "Elmo" Fornaciari changed his stage name to Zucchini in the scorching summer of 1963, sparking outrage from the Italian Jewish community and the entire city of New York. He released several albums under this name, including the international hit record Zucchini Raps!, until he was struck down by God while on holiday with his wife and kids in Orlando in the ironically scorching summer of 2002. It is said that he was visiting a cigar factory, although the details of his death are sketchy.