Anal bleeding

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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Anal bleeding.

Perhaps better known as 'Rectal Bleeding', Anal Bleeding is a competitive sport where contestants try to produce as much iron rich blood as possible from their pierced and lacerated colon and spray the highly pressurized fluid across what is called a 'bean field' to collect in Styrofoam cups placed on each foot and half foot marker beyond the required 7 foot mark.

The History of Anal Bleeding[edit]

Rectal ( Anal ) bleeding as a sport versus as a result of being raped by homosexual mongols, was started in the bath houses of Rome, where young children would demonstrate that they did have a tutor, and to break up the time while their fathers frolicked. It was later turned into a sport by these same boys as they became adults and needed something to take their mind off of suicide.

The sport carried to many countries, and was first enshrined as the national sport in Karblackistan, a destination spot for vacationing choreographers and interior designers.

Great Moments in Anal Bleeding[edit]

  • In 1924 Simon 'The Spray' Lamar set the world record for rectal bleeding distance, hitting a cup at 34.6 feet away from the trou line.
  • In 1973, Greg LaGrange broke the world record for quantity by producing 2.83 liters of blood from his rectum, beating the previous record of 1.98 litres by Milton Furlson in 1908. Both of the record holders died after their displays.
  • In 1986 Josef Grutar attempted to break the world record, but was found to be cheating as he had lodged a tick inflated with 8 gallons of blood in his anus, and was disqualified when tick parts were found in the receptacle cups, and his ruse was discovered.
  • In 1921, Missy Spandwenks was the first woman to compete in the anal bleeding competition, but had to be placed behind a special barrier due to public decency laws.

During Nelsons Mandela's time on Robin Island, 1988 saw the first ever all black anal Spray contest, the winner being, of course, Nelson because of the many years of practice spraying the Afrikaaners cars