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For those with more Christian tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Illinois.

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United States of America
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ALICIA.KEYS.STATE Avoda-Zara Box Calorington Cheeselen Colorado Connectthedots
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Fuckyoua God's Toilet Hampshire Hell Hilton Illannoy
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A state of the United States of Dæmonica

VSD.jpg USofD.PNG Situated on the windswept steppes of the American Midwest, Illinois (pron. "ill-annoy") is one of the 50-odd states of the United States of Armenia. Noted for its varied Geography, rich History, brilliant Literature, unique Biology, exciting Physical Education, somewhat boring Algebra II, rather stimulating Sexual Education, rather stimulating Sexual Acts, and endless fields of corn... No, wait, that last one's Iowa. Hilariously, Illinois is often mistaken for Camryn Manheim from the side.

Illinois used to have lots and lots of coal mines, but the tornado plague of aught-4 sucked all the coal away and deposited it in Iraq. Now, Illinois' greatest export is Barack Obama.

Illinois is being eroded on the North-East by Lake Michigan. The largest city in Illinois is Chicago, and the smallest is... well, who cares? everyone lives in Chicago! Illinois is home to the Oprah Winfrey Show, McDonalds, and Barack Obama. Illinois is a Virgo, who loves pets, but hates smokers and overweight women. Illinois likes long walks on the beach, but unfortunately the beaches have been closed because of high bacteria levels. Contrary to popular belief, Illinois loves Democrats and black people.