“Don't double dip the chip!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Nachos
“Ohhhh you bought me a nacho hat! Nacho nacho man!”
~ Homer Simpson on Nachos
Nachos: The Food of Legend
God, aka Mike "Thumper" Ditka, created the first nachos from pieces of rawhide. However the renowned Mexican thief Zorro stole them before Ditka could even get a taste. But the nachos were too dry. Even the mighty chompers of the fabled Zorro couldn't cope with them. Fortunately his horse had been shot in the left hindquarter by an evil henchman, Diego Rasputin, and the wound was festering. Zorro squeezed some...uh...no, it's too gross. Obscene. We can't write this part, you'll have to fill in the blanks yourself.
Modern Nachos: Industrial Wonder-Food (Wundernahrung)
Nowadays nacho factories make nachos from ground-up guitar picks instead of rawhide. They bake the chips at 200 degrees Kelvin for 24 hours to make them crisp, then warm them to room temperature. The more traditional nacho makers still use horse pus for the topping, but some renegade chefs have experimented with spearmint sauce, cappuchino, and lizard droppings as well.
Some fancy nachos include such things as jalapeño peppers, ground ratmeat, pickled herring, and I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Durian® along with the traditional yellow-orange animal exudate on top of the chips. These are French nachos -- morceaux et merde. Like most French pastry, they can kill unwary diners.
Eating one full plate of nachos in less than 84.7 seconds is part of the initiation process to get in to Todd's gang. Recent reports have not yet confirmed the rumor that nachos are now illegal in a four block area of Toledo because of some conflicting legislation that, oddly enough, makes no mention of nachos whatsoever.
Fun Facts Not About Nachos
- The North Pole is named Czesciuslaw and lives in Tahiti.
- Heres another fact: I really really like nachos. Really REALLY like them. I can honestly think of no greater munchies than nachos. Especially the jalepeno ones.
- OH MY GOD, THEY'RE SO GOOD!